A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Democrats Have More Fun

The Republican Party has recently tried to reach out to a hitherto unknown disenfranchised segment of the American population. This segment doesn’t have a label yet, but we can identify them as underage males who wear boxer shorts while being propositioned by members of Congress via e-mail. This outreach attempt can now be considered a total flop.

This all came to a head (no pun intended) last week when Congressman Mark Foley resigned amidst allegations of writing illicit e-mails to male pages. Now he is in rehab for alcoholism (of course he was under the influence when the e-mails were generated) and his behavior patterns (????). Apparently all this has led to an admission that he is gay, and that he is seeking treatment for it. I find it incredible that some people actually believe that homosexuality can be cured with therapy. I’ll bet these same people are wondering why modern medicine hasn’t discovered a vaccine for it yet.

Now there could be more fallout involving the Republican leadership who may have known about the e-mails, but looked away just to keep the Republican majority in Congress intact. Haven’t they learned anything from Watergate? Sure they can get in trouble for the act, but if people find out that you tried to cover up the act then you’ll really catch hell!

This whole scandal points up the dramatic differences between the two parties. Historically, when it comes to getting into trouble, Republicans can be counted on to get caught accumulating too much power and/or money. See Nixon/Watergate, Richard; or Harding/Teapot Dome, Warren; et al. However, when it comes to a sex scandal, GOP members are rank amateurs. They should leave sex scandals to the professionals, otherwise known as Democrats.

This is one reason (but not the only reason) I feel more comfortable with the Democrats. The Republican scandals are dull, stodgy affairs. To put it simply: Democrats have more fun.

The Republican scandals involve subpoenas, accusations, counter accusations, long drawn-out Congressional hearings trying to find out who said what on a certain date, and who else was there and when did the President find out... There, see how boring it is! I fell asleep half-way through that sentence, and I was typing it at the time.

Democrats, on the other hand, have scandals worth fantasizing over. We can close our eyes, imagine the scene involving carnal knowledge in the halls of power, and then...oooo (cue Barry White music here). Well, I can’t go on, but we can all let our imaginations run off with us from here.

This latest sex scandal will now degenerate into a “who knew what and when” firing line of Congressional inquires. BORING! Perhaps the next time a Republican decides to get in trouble over sex, he or she could pick up a few pointers from the experts. They could hire a Democrat to personally supervise them on the best ways to get some action without getting caught. Or perhaps they can rely on modern medicine to give them the knowledge they’ll need to avoid discovery of their act. Unfortunately, a vaccine for stupidity doesn’t exist either.


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