Totally Useless Fortunes

A few months ago, I had an opportunity to take my uncle to a Chinese restaurant. We had a good time, a fine meal, and we both got the customary fortune cookie. I forget what his fortune said – probably the usual “Happiness is what you make it” or some sappy thing like that – but my fortune was totally useless to me. It read, “Tastes like chicken.” What a rip-off!

It gave me an idea of some other totally useless fortunes we might find in our cookies. Our resulting list*, which I assume will crop up from time to time in the future, is printed below.

1. A path strewn with broken glass can cut the sole.

2. In this world it is easier to buy a war then it is to buy peace.

3. A life not lived is, like, dead.

4. Riches come, but mostly riches go to the taxman.

5. Results are best achieved in the end.

7. Money spent wisely is gone anyway.

8. Reaching high for a goal could give you a pain in the back.

9. Cheaters never win, unless they receive a golden parachute.

10. A penny saved is not worth much.

*Assisted by my wise, wonderful wife, Anne Marie.