THINGS TO DO FOR A WEEKEND WHEN THE WIFE IS AWAY
Oh boy! Anne Marie will be away this weekend at a trade show in Columbus, Ohio with our neighbor, Regina. So what can I do while she’s away...
1. Eat nothing but chips and French onion dip all weekend.
2. Load entire collection of ABBA CDs into stereo and crank the volume up to “11”.
3. Call my friend, Stan, and arrange to go on weekend of partying with other like-minded individuals in a far-flung resort like Atlantic City.
4. Scratch #3. I realize that idea is really the plot to the 1934 comedy Sons of the Desert. Besides, I don’t know anyone by the name of Stan.
5. Roll Anne Marie’s stuffed teddy bear, Boo, in catnip and then accidentally leave him on the living room floor for my cats Meredith and Steven.
6. Cancel #5. Anne Marie has just informed me that Boo Bear is also going to Columbus with her. Bummer! I can’t have any fun anymore! Oh well, I just hope that little rascal doesn’t keep our neighbor up with his salty language and ribald tales of sexual prowess.
7. Suffer the flatulent after effects of my very strong French onion dip.
8. Consider calling old girlfriends to talk about old times.
9. Forget #8! I have no old girlfriends to call up. The closest one to qualify as a girlfriend distinctly gave me the “don’t call me, I’ll call you” vibe the last time we spoke...and that happened in 1988! Nope, I will stop waiting by the phone for that call!
AND FINALLY...this is the last day of analog television broadcasting in the United States. At times like this — when an era is ending - I’m reminded of something Shakespeare might have written such as: “Alas, poor Analog! I knew him well, Marconi...”
1. Eat nothing but chips and French onion dip all weekend.
2. Load entire collection of ABBA CDs into stereo and crank the volume up to “11”.
3. Call my friend, Stan, and arrange to go on weekend of partying with other like-minded individuals in a far-flung resort like Atlantic City.
4. Scratch #3. I realize that idea is really the plot to the 1934 comedy Sons of the Desert. Besides, I don’t know anyone by the name of Stan.
5. Roll Anne Marie’s stuffed teddy bear, Boo, in catnip and then accidentally leave him on the living room floor for my cats Meredith and Steven.
6. Cancel #5. Anne Marie has just informed me that Boo Bear is also going to Columbus with her. Bummer! I can’t have any fun anymore! Oh well, I just hope that little rascal doesn’t keep our neighbor up with his salty language and ribald tales of sexual prowess.
7. Suffer the flatulent after effects of my very strong French onion dip.
8. Consider calling old girlfriends to talk about old times.
9. Forget #8! I have no old girlfriends to call up. The closest one to qualify as a girlfriend distinctly gave me the “don’t call me, I’ll call you” vibe the last time we spoke...and that happened in 1988! Nope, I will stop waiting by the phone for that call!
AND FINALLY...this is the last day of analog television broadcasting in the United States. At times like this — when an era is ending - I’m reminded of something Shakespeare might have written such as: “Alas, poor Analog! I knew him well, Marconi...”
posted by todd gunther | 7:44 PM
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