arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, May 29, 2009

Did You Hear The Latest One About Two Black Men?

WARNING: I’M IN A MEAN, ROTTEN MOOD TODAY AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SUBJECT OF TODAY’S POST, ALTHOUGH THAT IS NOT HELPING ME REGAIN MY NATURALLY SUNNY DISPOSITION. I WILL TRY TO RESTRAIN MY TEMPERMENT AND NOT ALLOW MY GRUMPINESS TO GET IN THE WAY OF COMMENTING ON THIS STORY WITH OBJECTIVITY AND SUTBLETY.

The big story in this part of the country began earlier this week when a woman phoned police to report that she and her 9 year old daughter had been kidnapped. The woman, Bonnie Sweeten, told police that she and her daughter had been put in the trunk of a Cadillac after it rear-ended her at a busy intersection in Bucks County, PA. She reported her captors as being two black men...

Okay, stop! I’ve heard this one before! I don’t need to hear the punch line!

Anne Marie immediately had suspicions about the woman’s story and adopted a wait-and-see attitude. The first thought to come to my mind when I heard the words “black men” was Susan Smith. Remember her? She was the Southern white trash woman who drowned her children when her affections were spurned by the town’s wealthy eligible bachelor, then blamed their abduction on, yes, you remember now, two black men.

The police, much to their credit, took the story at face value and investigated. The FBI was called in, several Amber alerts were issued in the name of the daughter, and roadblocks were set up in Bucks County to search every vehicle in the area. Guess what they found? They found no witnesses or even evidence of an accident at the busy intersection. They found the woman’s car in Center City Philly with no damage to its rear end.

Many people wondered what type of kidnappers would place a woman in the trunk of her car and not take her cell phone. The prevailing attitude during the early hours of the story was that the kidnappers were either stupid, or perhaps they panicked and weren’t thinking straight. After all, they could’ve been wanted criminals and an auto accident may draw unwanted attention from the authorities. Mind you that this was all speculation and, I dare say, the wanted criminal scenario is an attitude that goes hand-in-hand with the words “black men”. Yes, it is unfortunate, very unfair, and racist.

Then everyone breathed a sigh of relief the day after the incident: mother and daughter had been found! They were at a resort near Disney World in Orlando, FL. Wow, those kidnappers drove real fast if they could make to Orlando within 24 hours! It also appeared that they weren’t so dumb after all. Who would think to search for kidnap victims at Disney World? Not me! The idea was brilliant, but alas, like the rest of the story, not true.

No accident, no kidnapping, no innocent young girl and her mother held against their will, and most importantly, no black men. Tell all the cable news networks to go home; there’s no story here. Tell Nancy Grace to stop wringing her hands; she won’t see her ratings spike here today.

Now a personal message for the alleged “victim”, Bonnie Sweeten:

YOU STUPID, IGNORANT, DUMB BITCH! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? YOU HAVE JUST SET RACE RELATIONS BACK MANY YEARS! THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE! WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU CRYING WOLF, WHO NEEDS THE KU KLUX KLAN? I BELIEVE WE CAN DISCOUNT YOU FOR ANY INTER-RACIAL BROTHERHOOD AWARD! NO WARM AND FUZZY THOUGHTS FOR YOU TODAY, GIRLFRIEND!

Well, so much for objectivity and subtlety...

So today Mom is in jail awaiting extradition, and daughter has been reunited with her father. Ms. Sweeten so far faces misdemeanor charges for her false report about being kidnapped by two black men. Of course, this is only the beginning of her legal trouble. She is also accused of identity theft, and today there is news that she may be linked to the disappearance of several hundred thousand dollars from one of her husband’s relatives.

MISDEMEANOR, HELL! FRY THE BITCH!

Sorry, I must remember to restrain my emotions...

So, now my question is, where is Rev. Al Sharpton in all this? I haven’t heard the media report one peep out of him on this story. This is strange, since any other time he would be all over it by now. I’ve criticized him the past — perhaps unfairly — because he seems to go after incidents in the media which destroy the repentant perpetrators (e.g., Don Imus), but gets his own name in the papers. Many times he seems to be doing it purely for the glory, particularly when he attacks racism in the media, yet bypasses easy targets like the aforementioned Klan.

In this case, though, I am anxiously awaiting Rev. Al’s pronouncements. In this case, I will encourage Al Sharpton to go at her full speed. Please, she’s all yours. I hope you EAT THIS BITCH ALIVE! I’d pay to see that. Perhaps we can set up a pay-per-view on cable tv..

Well, Ms. Sweeten, your life is effectively over by your own actions. I hope you realize that, in your attempt to mask your actions by capitalizing on one stereo-type, that you also unwittingly confirmed another unfortunate and unfair stereo-type. I couldn’t help noticing that you’re a blonde...

NUFF SAID!

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