Snort Bites – March 2016

(EDITOR'S NOTE:  The following news items were culled from the electronic pages of the world wide web so we can be afforded the opportunity to point and laugh.)

THOUSANDS SIGN PETITION REQUESTING THAT THE GOP CONVENTION SITE IN CLEVELAND ALLOW GUNS ON THE PREMISES WHILE THE CONVENTION IS IN SESSION

Some convention goers reasoned that they would want the protection afforded by their Smith and Wesson in the wild and wooly frontier town of Cleveland, where “evil-doers" could be lurking. 

No problem, ladies and gentlemen!   Just check off the appropriate box below certifying your evil-doer status, and you should have no trouble packing your piece in Cleveland this summer:

____ I am not an evil-doer.

____ I am an evil-doer, but on my honor and with crossed fingers behind my back, I swear that I will leave my guns at home.

In case anyone is wondering, we will confess here and now that the second statement is a trick question.

UPDATE:  The Secret Service has announced that they will not allow guns at the site of the Republican convention this year, citing some government regulations giving them the right to protect candidates who may be targets of…wait for it…evil-doers!  

Bummer!   The guvmint ruins everyone’s fun again.

Elsewhere on the campaign trail…

REPUBLICAN FRONT RUNNER DONALD TRUMP ANNOUNCES THAT HE WILL NOT HONOR THE PLEDGE TO SUPPORT THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE SELECTED AT THE CONVENTION THIS SUMMER

In a bid to maintain party unity last year (last September, in fact), the GOP had all of those persons declaring to run for the nomination (there were 17 of them at the time) sign a declaration that - no matter the eventual outcome of all the caucuses, primaries and convention - all of those running would support the one chosen to be the actual, final, by-God-that’s-the-one-running in the general election party nominee.

Well, we all know what happened next.  Through the process of what some would call natural selection, or primary losses, or just plain devoured by Governor Chris Christie - take your pick - the field was whittled down to three.  And all three of them are so pissed off at each other that they are all refusing to honor the pledge they signed last summer. 

   

I hate to say, “I told you so,” so I’ll say it this way:  BOOYA!  NAILED IT!

I always felt that Trump’s ego would not accept a loss at the convention if he were not chosen as the nominee.  True, he may have the votes going into the convention to clinch the honor, but a sizable number of influential Republican leaders are backing a party establishment movement to select someone else, anyone else besides Trump. The Donald is now feeling abused by the party and is said to be contemplating an independent run. 

My comment: Bull Moose.

As in the Bull Moose Party, created by Theodore Roosevelt when he was disillusioned by his chosen heir-apparent William Howard Taft’s performance during his term in the White House.  It was 1912 and Roosevelt ran a third party campaign to thwart Taft’s re-election. Roosevelt succeeded, but he also did not win back the White House.  That prize went to the Democrat, Woodrow Wilson.

And this year, the Republican Party establishment is very eager that history not repeat itself.

Meanwhile…

IN A TELEVISED INTERVIEW WITH MSNBC’S CHRIS MATTHEWS, DONALD TRUMP SUGGESTS THAT WOMEN SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR...acccckkkkkk!!!!

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  The remainder of this blog will have to be discontinued owing to the writer suffering an attack of severe indigestion brought on by an overdose of Donald Trump. There’s a lesson here for all of us.)

(Thank you for reading!  Let’s party like it's 1912!   Woo-hoo!)