arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Donald Trump Woman Card*



The Donald, in all his wisdom, has now proclaimed that his virtual opponent for the White House, Hillary Clinton, has only one weapon to defeat him.  According to him, she does not have to rely on her years of government service, as First Lady, Senator and Secretary of State to get elected President. No sir, she only has to use the woman card to get her way with the electorate.

Now this idea, if it were only true, is too good an entrepreneurial business idea to pass up!

Ladies, have you ever been in this situation: you’re late to pick up the kids from soccer practice, and you’re speeding down the road to make up time when suddenly you see the flashing lights of the law in your rear view mirror.  Oh, no!  Whatever will you do?

How will you talk yourself out of this one?  In the past you would have to resort to your “charms”, loosen the top button, or two, of your blousy top and allow the lawman to gaze upon those wonderful gifts nature bestowed upon you.  You would finish off this luscious course with a wide, white toothed smile and bat your eyelashes a few times.  

But no more! No longer will you have to lower and debase yourself just to get out of a moving violation! Now you can use the…wait for it…

We proudly announce the exclusive…DONALD TRUMP WOMAN CARD!!!!!!!!!!!

This will be YUGE!  It will be FABULOUS!  It will grant any member of the female gender a wide variety of privileges, prizes, and perks.  Such as…

 - Exclusive admission to any adult venue within the continental United States advertising a “ladies night” for nightly amusement.

 - Discounts for fines and/or fees associated with illegal activities. A virtual GET OUT OF JAIL FOR FREE CARD which can be used without having to hire one of those pesky lawyers!

 - Allow the bearer to become the envy of office gossip without having to dress “provocatively.”

 - Enable you to kill with a smile, wound with your eyes, ruin the faith of others with your casual lies, and only reveal what you want others to see!

 - And so much more and more and more…

So, ladies, grab your bras back out of the bonfires, throw away those old, scratched up vinyl copies of Marlo Thomas and Friends Free to Be You and Me, and say good bye to those outdated, obsolete 70s attitudes of equality!

Order your DONALD TRUMP WOMAN CARD today!

We repeat: this is YUGE! This is FABULOUS, too FABULOUS for words, but we’ll say it again: DONALD TRUMP WOMAN CARD!!!!

Order now!  Operators (all female) are standing by to accept your order.  All major credit cards accepted!

LEGAL FINE PRINT:  The DONALD TRUMP WOMAN CARD is not available to members of the male gender. Void where prohibited by law, common sense, progressive thinking, and wherever people live comfortably with their God-given or even surgically enhanced sexual identity in a post-feminist society.

EDITOR’S NOTE:  We here at arteejee will be revoking the author’s Gloria Steinem Feminist Card, in addition to his NOW membership card.

*Not to be confused with the Hillary Clinton Bitch Card (yes, sorry, I had to go there) and certainly not to be confused with the Sarah Palin Stupid Card.

(Thank you for reading.  SATIRE…satire…SATIRE…satire…)

5 Comments:

Anonymous Janey, "Born to be Wild" said...

I don't need no stinkin' card. I just suck the cop's cock and be on my way...

April 27, 2016 at 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Janey said...

Just too fuckin' funny! Brilliant once again, my RTG!

April 30, 2016 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Dear Born to be Wild: Thank you for sharing, although I'm not surprised.
Thank you for reading, Janey!

May 1, 2016 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

Sorry, I can't read anything anymore with Mr. Trump in it.
At least not on a full stomach.

May 1, 2016 at 2:49 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

I totally understand, Spo. In fact I've hesitated in mentioning him in my blog, but he's so ripe for satire. He needs to be taken down a few...thousand pegs or so.

May 3, 2016 at 6:35 PM  

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