arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Trolls, Narcissists and Stupid People, Oh My!



Clerk:  May I help you, sir?

Moi: Yes, I am Todd, a searcher for a simple household item; I doth grace your business with my humble presence.

Clerk: Okay, sir, what…

Moi:  Yea, I have traveled far through the back roads near Philadelphia, through mud, through muck in my quest. I have encountered the midget intellectual trolls in GOP, hacked and slayed my way through their numbers, even as they bit and nibbled at my knee caps.

Clerk:  Umm, okay.

Moi:  Aye, annoying little buggers! Then I stumbled into the land of Trumpiana, where the natives are narcissistic, constantly checking their appearances, yet seemingly unaware that they had feces spewing from their mouths.  I sneered, I laughed, and I laid their arguments to waste.

Clerk:  Umm, ew?

Moi: Then I beheld my greatest foe: the masses with an ignorance so overwhelming, so…so unbelievably YUUUUUGE, that I nearly broke down and wept.  How, I asked myself, could such stupidity for the issues be allowed to take root and grow?   I paused for a moment, in my Don Quixotic sojourn, to reflect on this utter lack of intelligence in the land.

Clerk:  Umm…Fox News!

Moi:  Aye, that would be my best guess.  So I soldiered on, passing among them with my head held high, even as my hopes for a progressive society crashed and burned in the depths of my soul.   It is now that I find myself here, in front of you requesting a pack of…vacuum cleaner bags.

Clerk: Vacuum cleaner bags?

Moi: Style A, please.

Clerk:  Let me check in the back, sir.

(One Monty Python sketch pause later.)

Clerk:  I’m sorry, sir. We’re all out. They’re getting harder to find.

Moi: Yes, so I’m finding out. I dare say they are as scarce as intelligence in the American electorate. No matter.  Please don’t take my next action as personal, but I must have satisfaction and you have not fulfilled my request.

Clerk: What, sir?

And with a quick flick of my wrist and a press of my DELETE button, the sales clerk was no more.

(Thank you for reading. Seriously does any brick and mortar entity carry Style A vacuum cleaner bags?)

2 Comments:

Blogger Ur-spo said...

This was almost as good as the 'cheese shop' sketch.

June 12, 2016 at 8:52 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

How perceptive of you, Spo! This was patterned after The Cheese Shop sketch. I nearly used the word Wenleysdale.

June 13, 2016 at 7:42 PM  

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