Faster Than the Speed of Satire

I posted something on my Facebook timeline which seemed to encapsulate recent events on our American political stage nicely.  It is a photo of George W. Bush giving a shy wave of his hand and a shit-eating grin. The photo's caption summarizes the accomplishments of the Bush regime: two disastrous wars, millions losing their jobs, crashing the housing market, and creating a trillion dollar deficit from a surplus left to him by his predecessor. The caption also notes the results of all these failed policies: “And instead of blaming me, Republicans lost their minds and blamed Obama and nominated Donald Trump.” Then the kicker, knock 'em dead punch line: “You can’t make this stuff up.”

OUCH!

No, we can’t make this stuff up.  Some of us wish we had, and thereby claim it’s a work of fiction, based on some fantasy. Sadly, tragically, whatever, we can’t declare this as a safe haven from the insanity swallowing the American political system.  Reality is stranger than ever, and it is moving at a speed faster than mortal comprehension.  It’s moving so fast that a blogger can’t even joke about events before the joke comes true, and therefore loses its momentum.

For example, this last week saw Trump ascending to be the presumptive nominee and his two opponents Cruz and Kasich bowing out within a day of each other.  These two had earlier vowed to oppose Trump to the end, turning the Republican National Convention into a contested meeting.  It now seems it won’t be much of a convention anyway: many of the more traditional conservative leaders of the party (among then all three Bushes, H.W., George W., and Jeb) are finding excuses not to attend.

For his part, Cruz essentially committed public political suicide when he named another failed nominee, Carly Fiorina, to be his running mate before he even got the nomination. This was a little like putting the cart before the horse, or given Carly’s equine facial features*, putting a horse in front of another (dead) horse. This was a political match made in Liberal Heaven and Conservative Hell.

Her spot as vice president running mate lasted little more than a week. Now she can go home and update her resume, which must look very interesting.  To wit: 

• CEO and Chairperson of Hewlett Packard

• Oversaw the laying off of 30,000 employees and subsequently ran the company into the ground

• Among my other failed gigs was a run for the Senate, a run for President (nine months) and a run for Vice-President (one week).

Perhaps she’ll make all this look better for herself as a positive learning experience.  These failures have demonstrated her vulnerability to gravity.  Her most noteworthy achievement as Cruz’s running mate?  Falling off the stage at a Cruz rally!  Talk about vulnerability to gravity!

Guys, we were depending on you to take the lead in opposing Trump at the convention.  Now you’re wussing out on us!   Thanks a lot!

This time last year, political leaders and pundits did not believe Trump had a shot at gaining the nomination. All of them, including yours truly, vastly underestimated the vast - and I can think of no other delicate way to put this - stupidity of the American electorate.  Now these same conservatives are taking steps to stop Trump in his tracks by either with holding support, finding someone to run as a third party candidate (another wet dream for liberals), or just holding their breaths until they turn blue.

Yes, sir! You can’t make this stuff up!

* I apologize for making the cheap shot of basing a woman’s political success on her physical looks, but it makes the horse punch line work.

(Thank you for reading. Can we help you up, Carly?  No, I don’t really want to.  I’m just asking to be nice and civil.)