Predictions of a Trump Presidency
I won’t
mince words: we are utterly delighted
that Donald Trump is sinking in the polls.
This past week has been a hilarious/disastrous series of missteps after
another for his campaign. Since he
announced his campaign in June 2015 (Why does that seem like a hundred years
ago?), he has managed to insult a large swath of the American electorate.
So far he
has offended Mexicans, the British, the French, Muslims, war heroes who were
captured during the Vietnam Conflict, war heroes who were not captured during
the Vietnam Conflict, all other veterans, families of war heroes, Gold Star
mothers, Gold Star fathers, Gold Star families, (and this week) people who hold
up copies of the US Constitution at his rallies, and screaming babies.
I realize he
doesn’t believe in being politically correct, but doesn’t he realize that he is
truly effed if he loses the screaming baby vote?
I don’t know
why he does not state the obvious and tell us that he doesn’t want anyone to
vote for him. He has no intention of performing
the duties of being leader of the free world anyway. He just wants to feel the rush that his ego
experiences at his rallies. How else can
anyone explain away all of his stupid remarks on the stump?
Still, we
should probably prepare ourselves for the worst of worst scenarios: that Donald
Trump actually does get elected president.
I believe his term will be notable for its brevity.
Here are my
predictions for the entire presidency of Donald Trump, all three days.
January 20,
2017
Donald Trump
is inaugurated and, as he has done so in the past, departs from his speech,
carefully plagiarized by his loving wife Melania from the speeches of past
inaugural addresses.
January 21,
2017
Leaders from
all over the world determine that somehow President Trump managed to diss all
of them in his inaugural address and they decide to retaliate.
Global
nuclear apocalypse and hilarity ensues.
Billions of
the world’s citizens are vaporized in seconds; vast areas of the Earth are
rendered useless for any type of human endeavor for hundreds of years; cats and
dogs figure, “What the hell?” that this is a good as time as any to start
living together; and the planet itself will become a hollow, smoking remnant of
itself blasted out of its own orbit as it hurtles through space to the nearest
black hole where its destruction will become complete.
January 22, 2017
Sunny with a chance of flurries in the afternoon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And we end
on a sad note (as if this could top a prediction of nuclear apocalypse):
Character
actor David Huddleston died this week at the age of 85. The obituaries are highlighting his
performance in the Cohen Brothers The Big Lebowski, but I will always
remember him for his role of the mayor of Rock Ridge in Blazing Saddles. As he might have put it, “Aw, prairie shit!”
(Thank you for reading. RIP Mr. Huddleston and, for that matter, the Donald Trump for President campaign.)
(Thank you for reading. RIP Mr. Huddleston and, for that matter, the Donald Trump for President campaign.)
posted by todd gunther | 4:38 PM
5 Comments:
I should imagine that an awful lot of your country-men and -women are wishing like hell that they could have the Presidential election right now and get it over with. Three months is a terribly long time - more than long enough for the Trump to bounce back, especially if there happens to be another skeleton in the Clinton closet ready to come tumbling out. I'm very afraid of what could yet happen.
We don't have that many merits to our own electoral system, but I think that one of them undoubtedly is that our General Election campaigns are comparatively short - one month max, sometimes a mere three weeks.
And yes, R.I.P. indeed to Mr D. Huddleston. Please collect an award, Sir, on your way up.
It does feel like a lifetime since that blowhard Sideshow Carnival Barker opened a can of snake oil on America and some of us bought it.
And it's fun to see him implode.
Here are my burning questions in response to your hilarious (and potentially accurate) forecast: Will the January 22 flurries amount to any measurable snow? As I don't touch snow (one of my little quirks), will I have to have it shoveled from in front of my house? If so, who among my neighbors will be left to do so? Or will the heat from the nuclear apocalypse melt the snow for me? (I, of course, expect to survive.) Thank you!
I no longer read anything on Mr. T anymore; it upsets my digestion.
Yes, Raybeard, it would be nice to get this over with. But so many of us over here are such drama queens that need to drag it out for all it's worth.
Hi Bob, thanks for the comment. And the implosions seem to be coming every other day!
Janey, it may very well be radioactive snow that falls that day. Make plans to stay indoors on the 22nd.
Hello, Spo. Yes, he doesn't do much for my digestive tract either, but his escapades excite my muses so much that I have to write about him. Do I need help?
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