A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, August 06, 2016

Predictions of a Trump Presidency

I won’t mince words: we are utterly delighted that Donald Trump is sinking in the polls.   This past week has been a hilarious/disastrous series of missteps after another for his campaign.   Since he announced his campaign in June 2015 (Why does that seem like a hundred years ago?), he has managed to insult a large swath of the American electorate.

So far he has offended Mexicans, the British, the French, Muslims, war heroes who were captured during the Vietnam Conflict, war heroes who were not captured during the Vietnam Conflict, all other veterans, families of war heroes, Gold Star mothers, Gold Star fathers, Gold Star families, (and this week) people who hold up copies of the US Constitution at his rallies, and screaming babies.

I realize he doesn’t believe in being politically correct, but doesn’t he realize that he is truly effed if he loses the screaming baby vote?

I don’t know why he does not state the obvious and tell us that he doesn’t want anyone to vote for him.  He has no intention of performing the duties of being leader of the free world anyway.  He just wants to feel the rush that his ego experiences at his rallies.  How else can anyone explain away all of his stupid remarks on the stump?

Still, we should probably prepare ourselves for the worst of worst scenarios: that Donald Trump actually does get elected president.  I believe his term will be notable for its brevity.

Here are my predictions for the entire presidency of Donald Trump, all three days.

January 20, 2017

Donald Trump is inaugurated and, as he has done so in the past, departs from his speech, carefully plagiarized by his loving wife Melania from the speeches of past inaugural addresses.

January 21, 2017

Leaders from all over the world determine that somehow President Trump managed to diss all of them in his inaugural address and they decide to retaliate.

Global nuclear apocalypse and hilarity ensues.

Billions of the world’s citizens are vaporized in seconds; vast areas of the Earth are rendered useless for any type of human endeavor for hundreds of years; cats and dogs figure, “What the hell?” that this is a good as time as any to start living together; and the planet itself will become a hollow, smoking remnant of itself blasted out of its own orbit as it hurtles through space to the nearest black hole where its destruction will become complete.

January 22, 2017

Sunny with a chance of flurries in the afternoon.  


And we end on a sad note (as if this could top a prediction of nuclear apocalypse):

Character actor David Huddleston died this week at the age of 85.  The obituaries are highlighting his performance in the Cohen Brothers The Big Lebowski, but I will always remember him for his role of the mayor of Rock Ridge in Blazing Saddles.   As he might have put it, “Aw, prairie shit!” 

(Thank you for reading. RIP Mr. Huddleston and, for that matter, the Donald Trump for President campaign.)


Blogger Raybeard said...

I should imagine that an awful lot of your country-men and -women are wishing like hell that they could have the Presidential election right now and get it over with. Three months is a terribly long time - more than long enough for the Trump to bounce back, especially if there happens to be another skeleton in the Clinton closet ready to come tumbling out. I'm very afraid of what could yet happen.

We don't have that many merits to our own electoral system, but I think that one of them undoubtedly is that our General Election campaigns are comparatively short - one month max, sometimes a mere three weeks.

And yes, R.I.P. indeed to Mr D. Huddleston. Please collect an award, Sir, on your way up.

August 7, 2016 at 1:49 AM  
Blogger Bob Slatten said...

It does feel like a lifetime since that blowhard Sideshow Carnival Barker opened a can of snake oil on America and some of us bought it.
And it's fun to see him implode.

August 7, 2016 at 8:26 AM  
Anonymous Jnaey The Snow Phobic said...

Here are my burning questions in response to your hilarious (and potentially accurate) forecast: Will the January 22 flurries amount to any measurable snow? As I don't touch snow (one of my little quirks), will I have to have it shoveled from in front of my house? If so, who among my neighbors will be left to do so? Or will the heat from the nuclear apocalypse melt the snow for me? (I, of course, expect to survive.) Thank you!

August 7, 2016 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

I no longer read anything on Mr. T anymore; it upsets my digestion.

August 10, 2016 at 7:34 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Yes, Raybeard, it would be nice to get this over with. But so many of us over here are such drama queens that need to drag it out for all it's worth.

Hi Bob, thanks for the comment. And the implosions seem to be coming every other day!

Janey, it may very well be radioactive snow that falls that day. Make plans to stay indoors on the 22nd.

Hello, Spo. Yes, he doesn't do much for my digestive tract either, but his escapades excite my muses so much that I have to write about him. Do I need help?

August 10, 2016 at 6:38 PM  

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