A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Holding Up the American End and Health Update

Many nights I lie awake wondering/pondering how others in the world perceive us Americans.   Do they see us as a kindly, benevolent big brother who will always do what is in their best interest in the name of democracy, liberty and justice for all?   Or are we seen as troublesome meddlers who circumvent the free will of other sovereignties for the sake of our continued economic security? 

Apparently it is the latter notion which has long taken root in the minds of others throughout the world.  This was brought home to us this past week during the course of El Presidente’s just concluded tour of the Mid-East and Europe.

First, a brief recap.   The first stop was Saudi Arabia where the President was greeted with all of the respect of a visiting dignitary.  Kudos to the Saudis for putting protocol above their personal feelings. 

The big controversy in this visit was the President seeming to bow to the Saudi royal as a medal was placed over his head.  The American twitter-verse jumped all over this as Herr Orange had previously berated Obama for bowing when he visited Arab royalty during his term in office.  Okay, people, let’s all calm down.  The bow could have been a show of respect to a host (albeit one who helped to finance the 9-11 attackers on American soil), not a sign of weakness, but rather just a normal, instinctive, automatic movement of the upper body to facilitate the placing of an object over ones head.  If the body does not do this then there could be an awkward too-close-for-comfort, face-to-face meeting between two heterosexual males who are NOT in an intimate relationship.


Believe me, as a slightly left-of-center liberal, I am all too happy to jump on anything perceived slight which our President may do, but this controversy was much ado about nothing.

Meanwhile the American people contemplated calling a locksmith to change all the locks on the White House before the President returned.

Second stop: Israel, which could have been more awkward then it turned out to be since our leader had blown the cover of an Israeli operative to the Russians a few weeks ago.  Israeli leadership treated our leader as an honored guest while Israeli intelligence seethed in the background.

Believe us, we feel your pain, Israeli intelligence.

Stop three:  the Vatican.  Another warm welcome for our leader,  an exchange of ideas in private about climate change, and a photo opportunity of our President keeping a positive spin on the proceedings with his trademark reality tv grin.  Note that the Pope stood next to our First Moron and he was not smiling.  Nuf said.

Meanwhile Americans hire a locksmith to change the White House locks, but they won’t be able to get to it until after Memorial Day holiday.

The rest of the trip was a few stops meeting with leaders of the G7 and NATO.  The G7 leaders met with Herr Orange to convince him not to back out of Paris Accord on global warming.  His response: he’ll think about and get back to everyone this week.

Then there was the meeting with NATO where our leader’s behavior could be described as boorish at best.   He berated some members of NATO for not paying more for defense when the US pays more than all of the other nations combined.  The President had a point, but it’s just so gosh to whine about money matters when the whole family gets together for a nice visit.

Then it happened: the shove.  During a NATO photo op our President grasped the shoulder of the Prime Minister of Montenegro to pull him aside so he could get in front of him.  Please understand citizens of the world: Americans as children are taught to say “excuse me” or “pardon me” before we make contact with someone as we make our way around them.  We don’t know what Mr. and Mrs. Fred Trump of New York City ever taught their little boy about manners, but obviously it wasn’t much. 

Once he was in front of everyone our Leader struck a pose that reminded me of the notorious fascist, Il Duce.  The other world leader had every right to feel offended, but he diplomatically shrugged off the offensive slight. So much for our reputation in the free world!

So now I know what others must think of us.  Our leader obviously looks down at the others with contempt!  Hooray!   He’s keeping up the American end of our reputation as world class dolts!   Long live the Ugly American!

More bad news:  the President beat the locksmith back to the White House.  Damn!

I am disgusted and heartsick…which segues nicely into an update on my health.

Remember when I waxed poetic about the TURP procedure.  Well, that is now on hold since my cardiologist would not clear me for the operation.  He believes we need to deal with my cardiac issues first. 

I can see his point.  Why bother repairing the plumbing when the entire house is on the verge of collapse?

So the TURP is now on a back burner while I have a cardiac catherization this Thursday to see what ails my heart.

Other than our thoughtless world leader …where do I begin?

(Thank you for reading.   Updates coming soon.)


Anonymous Dr. Janey said...

Dear Fellow Readers,

As I noted in my previous comment regarding RTG's TURP procedure, the problem is actually that RTG's penis is so fuckin' long that his urine stream has too far a path to follow. RTG acknowledges such in his reply to my comment. Hence the urinary difficulty. TURP is actually an acronym for Todd's Undulating Roaring Penis, which apparently must be shortened (his penis, not the acronym). Let us all wish RTG (Todd) the very best as he enters the hospital on Thursday to contend with this unusual but increasingly problematic issue.

Dr. Janey, Penis Specialist

May 28, 2017 at 12:03 PM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

RTG, I've always had a soft spot for Americans who don't conform to the stereotype of brash, loud-talking, disdainful (towards the rest of the world), reactionary individuals that we see embodied in the present POTUS. I met a number of them (the better kind, I mean) in my travels throughout Europe, mainly the 80s - and I don't think that by and large they'll have changed much since then - and I know from experience that they can be as friendly and charming as any other people. In fact (and this was mainly in the Reagan era) there was often a degree of embarrassment or even fear about how they came over to other nationalities. I'd like to think that anyone with a modicum of intelligence would recognise what I felt then and continue to feel. I entirely appreciate the frustration you and (a lot of) your countrymen must feel at the thought of the present figure representing the U.S.A. globally - and I'd guess that my own country is not the only one where he is daily being ridiculed in a way that only he doesn't seem to realise. He certainly provides entertainment value - if only it wasn't so serious, and with dreadful, unimaginable consequences for all if things go even further wrong than they're already doing.
We've had our own dud leaders here in this country without doubt, but to my knowledge, as far as contemporary democracies go, Trump really takes the biscuit over all of them, including Dubya.

So do be assured that your country's current plight is not being airily dismissed. Many of us long, like you, to see America return to a state of sanity at the top and a recovery of reliability and safety for the entire world, and hoping that that position comes about long before this first term comes to a 'natural' end.

As for your own continuing and deeply troubling condition, even though I had to skip over reading the details, I can promise you that you haven't been far from my thoughts - and that will carry on as long as it lasts.
Real, genuine, best of luck on Thurs - and without any undesired surprises.

May 28, 2017 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Janey for your comments. Dear blog readers, have I ever regaled you with the anecdote about Janey graciously declining a chance to dine with Richard Dreyfuss....

Thank you Raybeard for your thoughts and sympathies. Yes, we are greatly embarrassed already and it's only 128 days into his administration!

May 28, 2017 at 7:03 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

I liked the locksmith joke.

May 30, 2017 at 10:14 PM  
Anonymous Janey, Model of Restraint said...

No NO! I'll stop! I promise! Anything but the story of how I declined a dinner that could have furthered my Hollywood acting career in order to hurry home to my druggie porn star boyfriend...!

June 1, 2017 at 2:02 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Locksmith joke? Oh, right, the running gag. Thank you for noticing, Spo.

Thank you Janey for clarifying your story.

June 3, 2017 at 4:33 PM  

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