arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, September 03, 2017

The Recovery From A Private Matter



Sorry all for being remiss in my postings and leaving comments for fellow bloggers the past two weeks, but I am having a difficult time recovering from my TURP procedure on 8/22.  I have been unable to sit at my computer keyboard long enough to post a blog entry for the last few weeks due to the post-surgical protocol of wearing a catheter for a few days, but more on that below.

This acronym stands for TransUretheal Resection and Prostate something or another. In layman’s terms it is the surgical equivalent of doing cruel things to the human dick.
Are you squirming yet?  If no, then read on.

The intention is not to do cruel things per se, but to facilitate better flow of liquid waste from the body due to hyperplasia of the prostate.  So much for the medically necessary technical explanation.  Warrior Queen explained to me what the surgeon explained to her while I was in recovery.  As he explained the procedure involved lifting up the prostate to open up the shipping channel. 

Shipping channel, as in full sized freighters flowing down my urethra?  JESUS CHRIST!  No wonder I’ve been in such pain for two weeks!

Here I thought my main issue was with the catheter, or that tubing roughly the diameter of a fireman’s hose inserted up into my bladder.  BTW I am not exaggerating the size of the hose for satirical effect; it actually felt that way.

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  Okay, Arteejee, let’s dial back the drama queen portion of your entry.)

As planned, the hose was removed after three days at the surgeon’s office.  As not planned, I ended up in the local emergency room that night after 12 hours of not urinating.  Another catheter was inserted with instructions to have it removed in seven days.  My bladder was painfully full by that point and only a few drops trickled down with a great amount of effort.  

The second catheter was pulled on Friday and I believe it was no small feat that I could finally pee without a catheter.  In fact, I fancied that if I was a circus act I would be introduced thusly: “Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the center ring where Arteejee will urinate without assistance of a prosthetic device.  Ladies, children, and those with a delicate disposition are asked to avert their eyes.”

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  Second warning about overblown theatrics, Arteejee.)

Oh, hell, let me get this out of my system once and for all.

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  Huh-oh!)

What’s the difference between the current President of the United States and a penis?   None!  They’re both BIG D****

(EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re stopping this entry here!)

(Thank you for reading.  Oh what the hell; dick, dick, dick, dick and penis even!)

8 Comments:

Blogger Raybeard said...

Eek! A tough read, RTG - and I'm talking only of the bits that I did manage to read among all the eye-jumping. But far tougher for you having to go it all. If I knew a similar experience awaited me they could put away their general anaesthetics 'cos I'd flake out just thinking about it - and on coming to I'd pop straight off again.
I so much hope that when you next communicate in blogland it'll be to tell of developments more cheery. Meanwhile my thoughts are with you (though I'm trying to hold back on the visualising of the situation). Maybe North Korea will help you take your mind of your personal condition.

September 4, 2017 at 4:40 AM  
Blogger Bob Slatten said...

Ow!

I cannot help from grabbing my junk ... not that that's a new thing, mind you.

Hopefully the worst is over and it's all flowing smoothly from here on in.

September 4, 2017 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Raybeard with apologies for the graphic descriptions. I have a follow up with the surgeon tomorrow and I'm hoping he'll tell me that my experience is a normal slow healing process.

Thank you Bob,I'm hoping the worst will be behind me.

September 4, 2017 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger mistress maddie said...

"surgical equivalent of doing cruel things to the human dick.
Are you squirming yet?" Please...I was squirming when Anne Marie told me about it over our lunch date. She is ever dainty isn't she,lol!!!!!

But glad to read your doing better and the water works are flowing again.

Trump and big dick??? I hear Melania has to use a magnifier to even locate it.

September 4, 2017 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger slugmama said...

Sad to hear of your trouble. I hope the surgery took and you are out of pain soon.

September 6, 2017 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Mistress for your thoughts. I can only imagine Warrior Queen's description of my travails.

Thank you Slugmama for your wishes. I should be 100% soon.

September 8, 2017 at 8:39 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

Ouch
I remember TURP from my medical school days; no fun in that.

September 13, 2017 at 11:47 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Ouch indeed! There is an extremely graphic drawing of the procedure in the AAPC coding books. Major ouch just to look at it!

September 16, 2017 at 5:27 PM  

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