The Recovery From A Private Matter

Sorry all for being remiss in my postings and leaving comments for fellow bloggers the past two weeks, but I am having a difficult time recovering from my TURP procedure on 8/22.  I have been unable to sit at my computer keyboard long enough to post a blog entry for the last few weeks due to the post-surgical protocol of wearing a catheter for a few days, but more on that below.

This acronym stands for TransUretheal Resection and Prostate something or another. In layman’s terms it is the surgical equivalent of doing cruel things to the human dick.

Are you squirming yet?  If no, then read on.

The intention is not to do cruel things per se, but to facilitate better flow of liquid waste from the body due to hyperplasia of the prostate.  So much for the medically necessary technical explanation.  Warrior Queen explained to me what the surgeon explained to her while I was in recovery.  As he explained the procedure involved lifting up the prostate to open up the shipping channel. 

Shipping channel, as in full sized freighters flowing down my urethra?  JESUS CHRIST!  No wonder I’ve been in such pain for two weeks!

Here I thought my main issue was with the catheter, or that tubing roughly the diameter of a fireman’s hose inserted up into my bladder.  BTW I am not exaggerating the size of the hose for satirical effect; it actually felt that way.

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  Okay, Arteejee, let’s dial back the drama queen portion of your entry.)

As planned, the hose was removed after three days at the surgeon’s office.  As not planned, I ended up in the local emergency room that night after 12 hours of not urinating.  Another catheter was inserted with instructions to have it removed in seven days.  My bladder was painfully full by that point and only a few drops trickled down with a great amount of effort.  

The second catheter was pulled on Friday and I believe it was no small feat that I could finally pee without a catheter.  In fact, I fancied that if I was a circus act I would be introduced thusly: “Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the center ring where Arteejee will urinate without assistance of a prosthetic device.  Ladies, children, and those with a delicate disposition are asked to avert their eyes.”

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  Second warning about overblown theatrics, Arteejee.)

Oh, hell, let me get this out of my system once and for all.

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  Huh-oh!)

What’s the difference between the current President of the United States and a penis?   None!  They’re both BIG D****

(EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re stopping this entry here!)

(Thank you for reading.  Oh what the hell; dick, dick, dick, dick and penis even!)