A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Thoughts on a Dreary Sunday Afternoon

A new month is here, and with it a few weeks closer to a wonderfully green spring! Or so I would like to believe, but my hopes could be dashed yet.

Another sign of the coming spring: we are now listening to a Philadelphia Phillies Grapefruit League game being broadcast from their spring training facility in Clearwater, FL. How can life get better?

Oh yeah, the weather report is calling for accumulating snowfall overnight tonight with a prediction of (depending on whether you trust John “I Killed the 2013 Philadelphia Flower Show” Bolaris on Fox 29, or the weather models from any other source) 6-12 or 6-8 inches. 
Yep, hopes for spring being around the corner are now officially dashed!

So, let’s focus on more pleasant thoughts such as…oh, it’s Oscar night, tonight! It’s usually at this time of year when I unleash my thoughts about the cinematic achievements of the past year on an unsuspecting blogosphere.  Unfortunately, I am working with a handicap as I only saw two films during the entire year.

Which film will win best picture? Who will be voted Best Director? Which tuxedoed actor will take home Best Actor honors? Which scantily clad actress will be judged Best Actress? Best Supporting Actor? Best Supporting Actress?

My predictions for this year’s awards:

Best Picture: don’t know, didn’t see any of the nominated films.
Best Director: don’t know, ditto.
Best Actor: don’t know.
Best Actress: Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine.
Best Supporting Actor: Eh? Who cares?
Best Supporting Actress: Sally Hawkins for Blue Jasmine.

Gee, I wonder how many of my predictions will come true?

Okay, so now you know one of the two films I saw last year. We had plans to see Anchorman 2, but illness forced us to stay home and we never got around to setting aside another time to travel four miles east or eight miles west to see this epic on the big screen.

Anyway, back to the game, where we are already down two runs and Anne Marie is making a continuing series of derogatory comments about Ryan Howard’s playing ability. I counter that, to be fair, Howard was battling an endless series of injuries for the last two years. Of course, she responds like the typically phrustrated Phillies phan that she is (yes, the spellings of those words in this context are correct), and brings up the point that he should have have had a miraculous healing given all the money the Phillies are paying him. (SIGH)

Spring, please don’t be late!

(Thank you for reading! And the Oscar goes to…Janey, for Piss Off, John Bolaris!)


Blogger David Jeffreys said...

You got ONE right!

March 3, 2014 at 1:25 AM  
Anonymous Janey, Hollywood Legend said...

"I would like to thank the fucking Academy for finally recognizing my extraordinary acting talents. I have waited years -- and through countless nominations and even more snubs -- for this richly deserved honor. To celebrate, I plan to spend this evening having a sexual three-way with Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto..." (Music begins to swell, drowning out the rest of my acceptance speech...)

March 3, 2014 at 6:59 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi David, thank you for your comment. Hooray for me!

Hi Janey, your acceptance speech was very moving. Am I imagining things or did you leave out the part where the comely, long legged gowned Oscar hostesses had to taser you until you loosened your grip on the podium?

March 6, 2014 at 7:17 PM  
Anonymous Janey said...

Oh, yeah, those bitches tasered the piss out of me! But I still have that podium -- I bent Jared over it later that evening... :-)

March 7, 2014 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Janey! WTF!!!!!!!

March 7, 2014 at 6:38 PM  

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