A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Destination Virginia – Part 3

Once we settled into our hotel, we fell into a daily routine of continental breakfast in our room, sight seeing, and for those times when we had exhausted ourselves, or hadn’t motivated ourselves to get out of the room, we were forced to watch daytime television. Here now is a day-by-day breakdown of our vacation.

SUNDAY - walked into historic Williamsburg and saw as much as we could. We had our evening meal at a sports bar, Bones, within walking distance of our hotel.

MONDAY – picked up rental car, picked up our Historic Triangle tickets at the Williamsburg Visitors Center, shuttled to Jamestown where the great weather allowed us to tour the ships moored on the James River. In the evening we celebrate my birthday at a seafood buffet, Captain's Galley. Meanwhile, on the Jerry Springer show, a gay male decides to confide to his transsexual lover that he has cheated on her/him and that the other woman is carrying his child. Hilarity ensues!

TUESDAY – rain! We return to Jamestown to do an exhaustive tour of the new museum. That afternoon, I take a swim in the hotel pool, and we dine at an Italian restaurant, Milano’s, for our anniversary dinner. Meanwhile, in Chicago, a young male goes on the Jerry Springer show to tell his fiancée that he is still willing to marry her, as long as she allows him to keep sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. He is the only person in the entire world that thinks this is a good idea. Needless to say, a catfight breaks out between the ex-girlfriend and the fiancée.

WEDNESDAY – good weather again, and we take the shuttle to Yorktown on the eve of the 224th anniversary of the victory over the British forces. Many activities are planned for the weekend ahead and much of the town is in disarray as preparations are made for the celebration. We eat dinner at Second Street Bar and Grill, where Anne Marie arm-wrestles the manager for the right to pay the bill. Management wins. Meanwhile on the Jerry Springer show, a change of pace: a woman confronts her best girlfriend about sleeping with her husband. The girlfriend counters that she’s not the only one he’s been with. Whatever! I don’t know what the security detail on the show is paid, but whatever it is, it isn’t enough!

THURSDAY – we spend the day in Williamsburg with a long, relaxing lunch at the Kings Arms Tavern as the high point of the day. We learn about the difference between ketchup and catsup during our meal. Tomatoes were once thought to be poisonous (!) and until this was proven untrue, a sauce derived from mushrooms (!!) was used to spice up food. Later, souvenir shopping and more swimming in the hotel pool. Meanwhile, on Jerry Springer, a man confides to his fiancée that he has been sleeping with her mother, who, if memory serves me correctly, resembles a water bison. Needless to say, there will be one less Mother’s Day card sent next year.

FRIDAY – we tour the Yorktown battlefield by car, and eat lunch at a Chinese buffet. We play a round of miniature golf before returning our car. Meanwhile, another clueless male believes that a nationally syndicated television show is the best place to confront/confide to his girlfriend/fiancée/wife that he has cheated on her. The existence of such a thing as the Jerry Springer Show in an advanced society confounds me. Yet, I can’t turn my eyes away even as I wish that someone in Congress would propose a Constitutional amendment outlawing daytime television.

SATURDAY – we check out and board our train for Philadelphia and home. The Jerry Springer Show is not scheduled for broadcast today. The republic survives and peace reigns!



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