Snort Notes – July 2009
AAMPAS ANNOUNCES CHANGES IN OSCAR PRESENTATIONS. NEXT YEAR NOMINEES FOR BEST PICTURE WILL BE EXPANDED TO ALLOW UP TO TEN FILMS TO BE NOMINATED.
Apparently the Academy is giving up on the idea of broadcasting the awards within a three hour time limit. With five films nominated, the average broadcast ended about 12:30 in the morning. With ten films nominated, we can expect a typical Oscar ceremony to last roughly as long as a Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon.
Thanks, Oscar! Those of us on the east coast who have lost sleep for years trying to stay up for the whoooole thing now know who our friends in Hollywood are. We’re better off retiring at our usual time and reading the results the next day.
DISGRACED WALL STREET FINANCIER BERNARD MADOFF IS SENTENCED TO 150 YEARS IN PRISON FOR PERPETUATING A PONZI SCHEME, WHICH REPORTEDLY INCREASED HIS PERSONAL WEALTH TO AN AMOUNT OF $81 BILLION.
Poor Bernard Madoff! Ever since he pleaded guilty to bilking his investors out of their life savings, he has been demonized in the media as — in the words of his own attorney — ”a deeply flawed man”. And this is one of the nicer things said about Madoff! The condemnations from his victims make him sound like he’s as evil as Hitler.
Perhaps we should take a moment and remember one thing. Bernard Madoff came into this world just like the rest of us: helpless, full of promise, vulnerable to the pressures of his home and business environment. In many ways, he is no better or worse than the rest of us. Keeping this in mind, maybe we should close our eyes, take a deep breath, and try to think some good thoughts for Bernard Madoff.
INTERMISSION
Okay, I took a minute to think good thoughts and I couldn’t come up with a damn thing!
Sorry, Bernie! Look on the bright side: with time off for good behavior they may let you out in 2101! If not, hey, see ya in 2159!
FUNERAL PLANS FOR MICHAEL JACKSON ARE BEING FINALIZED. THE MOST RECENT REPORTS SUGGEST THAT HIS BODY WILL LAY IN STATE FOR VIEWING AT HIS NEVERLAND RANCH IN CALIFORNIA. NO, SCRATCH ALL THAT! EVEN MORE RECENT PLANS CALL FOR A PUBLIC MEMORIAL AT THE LOS ANGELES STAPLES CENTER, WHICH WILL ONLY ALLOW A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THE LITERALLY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO APPLIED ONLINE FOR TICKETS TO ATTEND. NO, WAIT! HERE’S THE LATEST...
Oh, spare us this ungodly media circus! PUT HIM IN THE GROUND ALREADY!!!!!!!!!
SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR MARK SANFORD ADMITS TO MORE TRYSTS WITH HIS “SOUL MATE” MARIA, BUT ALSO TO “CROSSING THE LINE” WITH OTHER WOMEN DURING THE COURSE OF HIS 20 YEAR MARRIAGE.
Wow! When married, Christian men professing religious right values have a mid-life crisis, they really do it up right!
MINNESOTA SUPREME COURT CERTIFIES THAT FORMER COMEDIAN AL FRANKEN HAS WON THE HOTLY CONTESTED ELECTION TO THE SENATE.
Geez, what was the hurry? If this recount had taken any longer, then the results could have waited for the next election cycle, which will probably begin any day now.
As for the Republican candidate, Norm Coleman, I suggest he go commiserate his loss with people like, oh, Al Gore or John Kerry. I realize they are both Democrats, Mr. Coleman, but at least they feel your pain.
(Thank you for reading. Please enjoy the remainder of your holiday weekend!)
Apparently the Academy is giving up on the idea of broadcasting the awards within a three hour time limit. With five films nominated, the average broadcast ended about 12:30 in the morning. With ten films nominated, we can expect a typical Oscar ceremony to last roughly as long as a Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon.
Thanks, Oscar! Those of us on the east coast who have lost sleep for years trying to stay up for the whoooole thing now know who our friends in Hollywood are. We’re better off retiring at our usual time and reading the results the next day.
DISGRACED WALL STREET FINANCIER BERNARD MADOFF IS SENTENCED TO 150 YEARS IN PRISON FOR PERPETUATING A PONZI SCHEME, WHICH REPORTEDLY INCREASED HIS PERSONAL WEALTH TO AN AMOUNT OF $81 BILLION.
Poor Bernard Madoff! Ever since he pleaded guilty to bilking his investors out of their life savings, he has been demonized in the media as — in the words of his own attorney — ”a deeply flawed man”. And this is one of the nicer things said about Madoff! The condemnations from his victims make him sound like he’s as evil as Hitler.
Perhaps we should take a moment and remember one thing. Bernard Madoff came into this world just like the rest of us: helpless, full of promise, vulnerable to the pressures of his home and business environment. In many ways, he is no better or worse than the rest of us. Keeping this in mind, maybe we should close our eyes, take a deep breath, and try to think some good thoughts for Bernard Madoff.
INTERMISSION
Okay, I took a minute to think good thoughts and I couldn’t come up with a damn thing!
Sorry, Bernie! Look on the bright side: with time off for good behavior they may let you out in 2101! If not, hey, see ya in 2159!
FUNERAL PLANS FOR MICHAEL JACKSON ARE BEING FINALIZED. THE MOST RECENT REPORTS SUGGEST THAT HIS BODY WILL LAY IN STATE FOR VIEWING AT HIS NEVERLAND RANCH IN CALIFORNIA. NO, SCRATCH ALL THAT! EVEN MORE RECENT PLANS CALL FOR A PUBLIC MEMORIAL AT THE LOS ANGELES STAPLES CENTER, WHICH WILL ONLY ALLOW A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THE LITERALLY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO APPLIED ONLINE FOR TICKETS TO ATTEND. NO, WAIT! HERE’S THE LATEST...
Oh, spare us this ungodly media circus! PUT HIM IN THE GROUND ALREADY!!!!!!!!!
SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR MARK SANFORD ADMITS TO MORE TRYSTS WITH HIS “SOUL MATE” MARIA, BUT ALSO TO “CROSSING THE LINE” WITH OTHER WOMEN DURING THE COURSE OF HIS 20 YEAR MARRIAGE.
Wow! When married, Christian men professing religious right values have a mid-life crisis, they really do it up right!
MINNESOTA SUPREME COURT CERTIFIES THAT FORMER COMEDIAN AL FRANKEN HAS WON THE HOTLY CONTESTED ELECTION TO THE SENATE.
Geez, what was the hurry? If this recount had taken any longer, then the results could have waited for the next election cycle, which will probably begin any day now.
As for the Republican candidate, Norm Coleman, I suggest he go commiserate his loss with people like, oh, Al Gore or John Kerry. I realize they are both Democrats, Mr. Coleman, but at least they feel your pain.
(Thank you for reading. Please enjoy the remainder of your holiday weekend!)
posted by todd gunther | 7:39 PM
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