A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

...And In This Corner, Sarah Palin!

At first glance, it might seem that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin finally got cranky about all the jokes coming from the east coast satirical elitists. Naturally, I’m referring to David Letterman’s mediocre reference to Palin’s daughter getting knocked up by Yankees star A-Rod while attending a ball game last week. Letterman made the joke believing that it was the older daughter who went to the game with Mama, but the facts showed (later) that it was the younger daughter, Willow, who was at the game.

In the end, Letterman did the right thing and apologized for the slight, although the mea culpa got past many conservative commentators (aka Fox News) and editorial cartoonist Glenn McCoy. Palin herself pretended, at least for a few days, that the apology never happened. She milked Letterman’s joke for all it was worth and then some. Ironically, the joke wasn’t worth milking, a point that even Letterman conceded.

As a mother, Palin has every right to complain. As a woman, she has every right to voice her concerns about the image of young women in the media. As a political figure shamelessly accumulating face time in the national media so that people will know who she is when she is crowned Republican nominee for the President in 2012(remember, folks, you heard it here first), she had every right to use Willow like a pawn. She did this despite the fact that using her daughter in this manner was even more distasteful than the original joke!

I also find it hard to believe that Mama Palin left Bristol unattended while they toured the Big Apple. After all, there are a lot of temptations in the big city, and let’s face it, Bristol has scored a big fat zero when it comes to celibacy. Of course, this hasn’t stopped her from waging a “don’t-do-as-I-do, but-do-as-I-say” campaign against teen pregnancy for young women in the lower 48. Oh yes, and let’s not forget Bristol’s ex-fiancé, Levi Johnston, who has an ex-detective from Anchorage trolling Hollywood for job offers for him.

What about the other injured party in the Letterman/Palin debacle? What about A-Rod? Don’t his feelings count? Granted, he may be a whiny, prima donna multi-million dollar baseball player, but he has feelings too! I didn’t hear Sarah Palin mention him once during all of her condemnations.

The poor fellow probably won’t be able to get a date with a mature woman after this incident. I can see him asking a woman — say over the age of 18 — for a date. She would just look him over, and snort while she launched her nose high into the stratosphere, “Hmph! I’ve heard I’m too old for your tastes now! Go check out the local middle school. Maybe you’ll find a date there!” I tell you, this type of thing is devastating to a multi-millionaire’s social life!

All kidding aside, this story received way more media coverage than it deserved. Several commentators wondered why Palin decided to dwell on an embarrassing comment about her fourteen year old daughter, and turn it into a media circus that lasted for four days. Being an early riser, I would never have heard the joke if she had just let it die after the first night. But no, her cries of indignation guaranteed that I heard it at last four times during the next dozen or so news cycles. I’ll bet this is true for millions of Americans who don’t watch the Letterman show on a regular basis.

So, what lesson can we take from all this? Well, I think this teaches a very good lesson to any young woman thinking about having a baby out of wedlock. The only good to come out of such an experience is that you may get to escape the ho-hum doldrums of a life in Alaska by touring the country teaching lessons of abstinence while your ex can carve out a lucrative career in La-La Land. Otherwise you’ll be stuck raising a kid, while your mom turns into an egomaniacal media vulture with delusions of grandeur, your little sister will get publicly embarrassed by a snarky comedian on national television, and a multi-millionaire baseball player will have to hang out in school yards to salvage what’s left of his social life.

Way to go, Bristol! I hope you’re happy!


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