arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, September 02, 2011

Meanwhile, At the National Board of Bloggers...

Counselor: Good morning, Anne Marie. I’m Charles Titsmore III, and I’ve been assigned by the National Board to review your vacation request.

Anne Marie: How do you do, Mr. Titsmore. (snorts)

Counselor: What? What’s so funny?

AM: Oh, nothing! You were saying?

Counselor: I see you have applied for some time off from the arteejee blog.

AM: Yes, just one week.

Counselor: And arteejee is your blog?

AM: Actually, it’s written by my husband, Todd. I serve as the editor-in-chief.

Counselor: And where is Todd now?

AM: He’s waiting outside. You can see him through your window.

Counselor: Oh, yes...um, does he have to press his nose against my window?

AM: No, and I’ve told him about that before. (shouting) Get down, Todd, down. Sorry!

Counselor: No problem. So, where are you going on your vacation?

AM: I’m going to Cooperstown, NY.

Counselor: That sounds nice! Todd should enjoy that.

AM: Todd? Oh, I wasn’t planning on taking him with me.

Counselor: Ah! Actually, that’s why we called you in. The Board believes that Todd should also take a week off.

AM: Really?

Counselor: Yes, we’ve reviewed his most recent entries, and in our snotty-faced opinion, he’s been getting stale of late.

AM: Stale? Oh come on, let’s be fair. In the past week alone, we’ve had an earthquake and a hurricane. Also, it’s been at least 12 hours since Michele Bachmann has said anything awe-suckingly stupid. There’s no material about which to write!

Counselor: Well, I can see your point about Michele Bachmann. She is overdue to make a gaffe; but nevertheless, Todd should...he should... What’s that noise at my door?

AM: Oh, sorry! That’s him scratching. (shouting) I’ll be out in a moment, dear!

Counselor: Anyway, he does need some time off.

AM: Why? I can leave him home alone. My cats can look after him.

Counselor: He needs to get away. Just look at the quality of his writing. Here’s something he submitted last week. “Why did Handel refuse to loan Bach money? Answer: Because he was baroque.” I don’t get it!

AM: It’s not meant for you to get, but any musicologists reading this right now are falling over laughing!

Counselor: Really?

AM: Okay, maybe not. Look, I need some down time away from him. I’m looking forward to a nice, leisurely drive north. Just me and my Zooey Deschanel CDs. If I take him along, I’ll have to listen to crap like ELO, or...or ABBA! Argghhh!

Counselor: Nevertheless, we must consider his mental condition.

AM: What’s wrong with his mental condition?

Counselor: Well, just look outside and watch him. Ever since you got here, he’s been trying to convince the board that he believes he’s a dog.

AM: Okay, so what?

Counselor: So what? Can’t you see it’s a cry for help? He needs a change of scenery. We can understand him walking around our parking lot and marking all of our cars with his urine. That’s a nice touch, but frankly the dog collar and leash are over the top. I can only approve this vacation request if you promise to take him with you.

AM: Alright, I’ll take him with me to Cooperstown...but I refuse to listen to ABBA!

Counselor: Thank you! Now I’ll just go down the hall to have your request signed off and...oh, look what he is doing now.

AM: What? Oh, I’m so sorry.

Counselor: Before you leave, Anne Marie, please curb your husband.

(Thank you for reading. This is where I leave a snarky comment, but it’s time for my walk.)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Janey said...

This conversation must be a work of fiction, for in real life, AnneMarie would have bitchslapped Mr. Titsmore within 30 seconds... :-)

September 3, 2011 at 6:32 AM  

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