arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Saturday, July 28, 2018

The Ugly American Goes to Europe II: Democracy Hell in Helsinki


So now everyone is pissed off at the President.  This time it’s not just Democrats and jilted porn stars.  Even some prominent Republican leaders in Washington are speaking out against Herr Fuhrer.  The rest of us are not buying their sudden attack of common sense and patriotic outrage.  Where have they been all these months?

In one respect, the President’s refusal to treat his best bud like a leper is not surprising.  In other times and with other Presidents, our leaders would have imposed sanctions on those countries who messed with our democracy.  Many expected that the President would demand that Russia hand over the 12 Russians indicted by the Mueller investigation last week.

Now who’s naïve?

We could cite historical precedence in the President’s shrug of his shoulders to this threat to our country.   As an example, remember  when President Roosevelt went before Congress on December 8, 1941 and announced, “Now we all know about the attack of our naval base at Pearl Harbor yesterday with a great loss of American lives, but I want to assure this august body and the American people that there is no cause for alarm.  I have just spoken to Emperor Hirohito on the phone and he has assured me that it was not his military which attacked us.  He explained that there are dozens of countries in his part of the world that have the Rising Sun insignia on their aircraft on their wings.  And I believe him and take him at his word as the emperor of a great nation.”

You don’t remember FDR giving this speech?   Do you know why you don’t remember this event?  BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!

It turns out that FDR was a true American President who took defense of the US Constitution and the rest of the country seriously.  As for the current occupant of the Oval Office?  Meh, not so much.

Now that the President has survived another performance review with his boss (you know, Vladimir)* it might be fun to speculate what was said between these two leaders during their two hour no-notes, no-press present tete a tete.

And best of all since we don’t know what was said, we can make it all up.

Putin:  So, Donald, I must say you have been doing better than even I imagined!  No sanctions against my country, regular condemnation of your open press, and an overall disdain for everything related to democracy, and…um, Donald? Are you listening to me?

President Long Tie: Hm?  Oh, sorry.  I was just admiring your well sculpted pecs!

Putin:  Aren’t they beauts?

President: They’re incredible!  Do you always conduct meetings shirtless?

Putin: Only when I want to be intimidating.  Tell me, are you…intimidated?

President: Well, uh…wait.  Is this meeting being taped?

Putin: Donald! I am shocked that you would think so little of me that I would do such a thing!  I swear on my KGB heart that I am not recording this conversation.

President: Good!  I’ll just pretend I did not see the crossed fingers behind your back!

Putin: Thank you.  I appreciate that.  Besides I have an excellent copy of your stay in one of our hotels a few years ago.  We would't want to see it on CNN, would we?

President: Of course not. Now, let’s get down to brass tacks.  Now I warn you, I’m known as a tough negotiator.

Putin: Fair enough.  Can I count on you to look the other way while I deal with Crimea?

President:  Do what you want.

Putin:  Syria?

President: Do what you want.

Putin: We want Alaska back.

President:  Why?

Putin:  We think we did not get paid enough.  I think it was only slightly better than the $24 dollars you people paid for Manhattan.

President: Okay, you can have Alaska.

Putin: Good!  That includes the resource rich land, the wildlife, the people…except for that Palin woman.  We don’t want her.  You can keep her.

President:  Oh, I don’t know, Vlad.  That could be a deal breaker.

Putin:  Did I mention that the hotel tape is high definition and stereo sound?

President:  Okay, you don’t have to take Palin.

*****************

I was wrong.  This isn’t fun at all.  Sorry, I must have…misspoke.

*Surely, you didn’t think his boss would be little ole us, the American voter, did you?

(Thank you for reading.  Are there any sane leaders left in the world?)

4 Comments:

Blogger Raybeard said...

I fail to see how any Republican Presidential successor to the current one can regain a sense of order and stability in Foreign Affairs (let alone domestic issues) without having to completely disown T's 'legacy' in that field. There's hardly any matter they're not going to have to row right back on. Can anyone seriously imagine ANY future American Pres continuing the cosy relationship with enemy Putrid or his, Putrid's, successor?
Practically every damn day there's at least one item on our news beginning "President T....." and I find I'm bracing myself for the latest buffoonery, hoping it'll be some harmless mis-step on his part, some daft tweet or other - but so often it's rather more grave than that. Strewth!

July 28, 2018 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Dave R said...

Gee, and I thought when asked if they were being taped, Blow Buddy Putin said "I swear on this soccer ball."

July 28, 2018 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

True, Raybeard. We may end up wiping the whole slate clean and start over.

Thank you, Dave R. For all we know he may have said that, but....

July 29, 2018 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

It is hoped we can elect a few in the next round

August 4, 2018 at 7:56 PM  

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