A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A Gift for the GOP

The talk among the old men in my cardiac rehab session this week is about the special treatment one particular Democrat is getting. The Democrat to whom they are referring is an obviously vain fellow by the name of Weiner. The cry I overheard by several of the fellows was along the lines of “Well, if a Republican did something like he did, he would’ve been out after one day.”

Of course, they say this forgetting about such Republican members of Congress like Larry “Wide Stance” Craig and Mark “Get Naked” Foley, but I digress.

I had hoped that the few words I devoted to Anthony Weiner’s serious lapse in judgment last week would suffice.* Unfortunately, these aspersions that my friends — and, despite their right wing leanings, I do consider them my friends — are casting on the whole of the Democrat Party cannot go unchallenged. Besides, there is a whole other dimension that the tsk-tskers of the GOP are failing to realize.

The point has been made many times over the years that each party has their own distinct monopoly when it comes to scandals. When Republicans are caught misbehaving, it is usually due to their lust for power satisfied by their sometimes unethical accumulation of cash. When Democrats are caught being bad, it usually involves the sometimes immoral pursuit of the opposite sex.

To paraphrase a hair shampoo ad campaign from the 1960’s, “Democrats have more fun!” That’s tradition, but this new trend of photographing body parts for transmission over public media has me stumped. I can’t see what the big attraction is; the old guys in my rehab session don’t get it; and mystery writer and part-time humor columnist Lisa Scottoline weighed in with the female point of view. Her verdict: many women can’t grasp the idea either.

From my own experiences, I can truthfully say that a beautiful woman has slinked up to me begging to see my privates nearly...oh, nearly once. However, in the dark corners of my repressed subconscious, it’s happened nearly...oh, but I digress.

So why is it done? Obviously, many people on both sides of the gender aisle have voyeuristic tendencies. Many times the offender is publicly embarrassed (usually on Facebook) and at worst may lose educational or job opportunities. This time, the offending party is a public servant, chosen by the people to represent their interests in the wicked, wicked cauldron known as “inside the Beltway”.

So why is this public servant still in office a full week after publicly disclosing that he did indeed photograph and transmit his genitals to various women around the country? Why indeed? Weiner has offered to enter rehab — the celebrated way to say, “Oops, I know I did something wrong, but I’m going to get rehabilitated and be a better person for it.” — but not resign. In other words, he hasn’t offered to fall on his sword, but just lean on it a bit until his hand grows numb. Many people do not believe that this offer is good enough.

Surprisingly, Weiner did not get much sympathy from his fellow Democrats: party leaders were calling for his resignation within a few days. Even President Obama is calling for him to step down. Also surprisingly, I haven’t heard much condemnation from the Republicans — you know, the guys and gals that are the majority in the House. Okay, so John Boehner made a few snide comments over the weekend, but otherwise there have been (to my knowledge) no calls for censure or public rebuke. Yes, pressure has been growing on Weiner to give up his seat, but when you’re arrogant and narcissistic, why should you care what others want?

So why hasn’t the Republican leadership been more demanding in their calls for his resignation? Because they know a gift when they see it!

The Republican leaders and their fellow travelers can utter his name every chance they get in the halls of Congress, on the television news shows (especially Fox News), on the conservative radio talk shows, and conservative blog sites as an example of how degenerate the Democrats are! They will talk about him every chance they get, keeping his name and his lurid story on everyone’s minds because surely he is a shining example of how truly evil and depraved the Democratic Party is.

Even better, Weiner will become a great fund raising tool! As long as the GOP believes they can use Weiner to milk their constituencies to build up their campaign war chests for 2012, they will make sure his name is on the lips and minds of every American voter. I realize that this is a cheap shot accusation to level at a major political party, but honestly I couldn’t resist the temptation to use the words “weiner” and “milk” in the same sentence.

Yes, my fellow Americans, we have not heard the last of this scandal, nor will we hear the last of it for a long time to come! You say you’re tired of hearing about this story? You say you’re so disgusted by all of the allegations that you just want this story to go away? That’s too bad!

Keep in mind 2012 is still six months away...and many of us are sick of it already! Do everyone a favor, Weiner! Resign...NOW!

*Snort Notes – June 2011

(Thank you for reading, and watch where you’re pointing that iphone!)


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