A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Saturday, October 31, 2015

GOP Candidates Say the Darnedest Things: Waiting in the Green Room

(This maybe the first of an occasional series of reports on the GOP’s efforts to take back the White House. The editorial board at arteejee envisions these reports to be entertaining because, as we all know, GOP Candidates Say the Darndest Things!)

So, anyway, the Republican candidate clown car pulled into Colorado this week for the third of a seemingly endless series of debates. In preparation for the big night, the entourages from the various campaigns toured the debate facility, which included a peek at each candidate’s green room, or that room where they would relax and wait for the show to begin.
For those of us who spent some time in theater - professional or amateur, it doesn’t matter - we know the green room is used as a waiting room. Many network talk shows use this type of room for their guests to relax awhile before they appear on the show. In our college theater, the green room doubled as the costume shop, and (for one show) a place where members of the scenery crew crashed after they worked in to the wee hours of the morning building a set which was supposed to represent an ancient Middle Eastern city.*

In any event, the green room can serve multi-purposes. The RNC decided that rooms originally constructed for a multitude of purposes in a venue could all serve as green rooms for the Republican candidates. The managers of the various campaigns reviewed the inequality of the green rooms and were not smiling.

Until recently, front runner Donald Trump got a spacious - or as he would say HUGE - room complete with flat screen television and plush upholstered seating which could comfortably seat his entourage or ten illegal Mexican rapists. Take your pick…

At the other end of the spectrum, Rand Paul got a two room closet with a toilet. Hey, if that were me, I would trade the flat screen tv for the toilet any day. As you may know, I am a middle-aged man with an enlarged prostate. You do the math…

Marco Rubio and his crew got to cool their heels in a room designed as a movie theater. I wouldn’t complain about that either, but I have to wonder what film his entourage would amuse themselves with while they waited for the debate to begin. I’ll go out on a limb and pick Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Or maybe The Birdcage?

The lone female in the pack, Carly Fiorina, allegedly had a Jacuzzi in her green room. Surprisingly, she did not cancel her appearance with the ten men on the debate stage despite having this amenity in her waiting room. I would not have blamed her if she had tweeted to the other candidates, “Sorry gentlemen, I won’t make it tonight. I’ve fallen into a Jacuzzi and I can’t get up.”

The dust up between the campaigns and the RNC briefly made headlines the day before the debate, but it was quickly forgotten as the candidates turned on the moderators en masse because (to them) the questions were unbecoming of a respected news organization. It's almost as if the RNC pointed at the moderators and cried, “There! They’re the ones who assigned your green rooms! Get them!”

So, with all of the problems facing our country today - international and domestic terrorism, crumbling infrastructure, wealthy class indifferent to the needs of the workers who serve them, et al - they fight over pre-debate accommodations. You bitch about your rooms, you bitch about the tough questions which reporters are suppose to ask. Seriously, kids? You are the ones who desire to lead the free world? 

Maybe it was not so much that the waiting rooms or the questions were unbecoming. Perhaps it is the human beings themselves who are unbecoming of seeking higher office.

(Thank you for reading. Now, where’s that Jacuzzi?)

*Janey, remember Belshazzar?


Blogger Fearsome Beard said...

It was a comedy. A competition to see who could outdo the other either on avoiding a perfectly valid question, attacking a moderator or blaming Baraack for the massive loss of jobs the very day he was sworn in and had yet been able to do anything. Unfortunately in the end a very sad comedy when one realized that these candidates weren't interested in answering a question relevant to helping improve our country, only in getting a sound bite for themselves.

October 31, 2015 at 9:32 AM  
Anonymous Janey said...

Oh, yes, RTG, I remember Belshazzar -- Spring of 1978!. I cornrowed my overbleached hair to make it frizzy, and shared the same body paint sponge with 85 other choir members as we attempted to make a group of white kids from Pennsylvania look Middle Eastern. I had to perform without my glasses, causing my parents to panic every time I came close to the edge of the stage. Our promotional t-shirts were written in ancient Hebrew (which of course is easily translated by the good folk of Bloomsburg, PA, a speck of rural Americana in the state I call the Alabama of New England.) The actual translation: "You have been judged by God and found wanting." Inviting, huh?

October 31, 2015 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Fearsome Beard for your very interesting observations about the very depressing state of affairs of American politics. And just think we have 12 more months of this charade to look forward to! Oh booooooooooy!

Yes, Janey, Belshazzar was good times. My grandmother (dad's mom)died during rehearsals and it was while coming back from her funeral that I learned Dad had been excommunicated for the high crime of marrying the woman he loved, my mother. I have forsaken organized religion from that day to the present.
Still I have happier memories of the show. I was chosen to play the part of the invading soldier who got to stab the Jewish High Priest; the ladies in the chorus would all fret when Jim Heath had to jump off a 12 foot high platform, fearing that he might re-injure his ribs after he had the bad luck of getting hit by a roller coaster at Knoebals the previous summer and...wait, did you say we shared the same body sponge? Oh-kaaaaaaay!

October 31, 2015 at 7:28 PM  

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