A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, July 21, 2006

How Do You Solve A Problem Like George W.?

Dear Laura,

I am writing to tell you that you need to talk to your husband about his behavior this past week at the G-8 summit in St. Petersburg. At the very least, his acts were embarrassing for all US citizens. It also reinforced us as a laughing stock among other countries.

First there was his open mike gaffe. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against small talk at the dinner table as long as it is polite. However, your husband let loose with language that was more appropriate at a boot scootin’ honky tonk in Austin on a Saturday night, not St. Petersburg. Thank God his buddy, Tony (Blair) realized that the microphone in front of them was on and turned it off before the world heard anything else from our own cowboy. It’s good that Tony has your husband’s back. It’s a shame that he has his own country to run; otherwise, Tony could be free to consult W. on a full-time basis, or at the very least, take Karl Rove out for a walk.

Your husband and his cronies could take a lesson from Ronald Reagan. Remember when The Great Communicator joked about ordering an air strike on the Soviets before he realized that his mike was on? Yeah, that was a big laugh, ha, ha! The Soviets are reaching for their nitro pills with one hand, and pushing the red button for the retaliatory strike with the other, all because Bedtime for Bonzo decided to make a funny! We all could have been toast! I realize that the stakes were much higher then, but it does demonstrate that politicians will never learn.

Then there was your husband’s sneak attack on the German chancellor! You may not have seen this on the Internet, but there is video footage of W. coming from behind Chancellor Merkel to give her a neck rub and shoulder massage. What did she do to deserve this? I pay taxes and I can’t get so much as an affirmative nod on my opinions from the President, let alone a massage! I can assure you that if the average, everyday American male tried this on their female co-workers, they would be facing sexual harassment charges pronto!

Where would the world be now if past presidents engaged in this sort of behavior? For example, what if FDR had offered to give Hitler a nice foot massage. I’m sure Hitler would have appreciated some attention to his aching dogs, especially after all that goose-stepping he did every day. Still, there is no record that this ever happened, and it probably wouldn’t have made any difference in Hitler’s behavior anyway. Yet it would’ve set a dangerous precedent for future Presidents. Think of Eisenhower giving DeGaulle a peck on each cheek, or Kennedy offering to light Castro’s cigar, or Johnson picking Ho Chi Minh up by his ears, or Nixon sending his plumbers over to fix Khrushchev’s kitchen sink. As you can see, the pressure put on future Chief Executives would be staggering.

Never mind that the kids won’t get all of those historical references above; that’s not the point!

I believe you should sit W. down when he gets home and school him on the proper behavior when he is hanging out with the other world leaders. There are certain procedures and protocols that must be observed, and he must be made aware of these rules. Otherwise, he will continue to embarrass us in the world. It’s one thing to start conflicts at will under the guise of spreading American democracy, but it’s quite another when he goes around offering unsolicited services.

Give 'em, hell, Laura!


An Embarrassed American


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