arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Of Cabbages and Kings and Other Strange Things


A few odd things are happening which I will note briefly.


American action film hero Steven Seagal has been appointed some sort of cultural ambassador between the United States and Russia by…wait for it, Vladimir Putin.  News reports about Seagal’s appointment by the Russian leader updated me on a few things I did not know about Seagal. This included that he now enjoys Russian citizenship in addition to being an American citizen.  Also, he has been a long-time admirer of the Russian former KGB agent, leader, and journalist murderer.


Seagal built his reputation on action hero films where he was the fighter fort truth, justice, and the American way.  A short listing of his screen credits should give us an idea of his on-screen persona:  Above the Law; Out for Justice; Under Siege; Under Siege: Dark Territory.  Then there are his most recent direct to video efforts: Under Siege: Putin Forever, and the romantic comedy How I Let a Major Babe Like Kelly Le Brock Get Away. *


I was taken aback by Seagal’s warm and fuzzy relationship with a dictator who possesses the polar opposite values of the characters Seagal has portrayed on the silver screen.  It reminded me of the public relations stunt that the USSR tried to foist on an unsuspecting American public at the height of the Cold War.

Surely, we all remember the ads showing our Superman with his arm around Nikita Khrushchev that had the caption, “Hey kids! Take it from your old pal Superman and my super friend Nikita Khrushchev that American capitalism is a lot of hooey!”


Don’t worry if you don’t remember this ad, because IT NEVER HAPPENED!**


I’m also hoping that, like many other things happening today, the Putin appointment didn’t really happen.  If it did happen, then all I can say is WTF?


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The Gunther 2018 crop report: Bleaaahh!


I planted three vegetables this year: yellow tomatoes, cherry tomatoes and cucumbers.  We’ve had several weeks of unsettled weather this summer which has meant doses of heavy rain showed on my plants.  Yes, they have been well-watered, but not enough sunshine for proper growth of the fruit.  My yellow tomato plant yielded two tomatoes, before the plant stopped growing.  The local deer population has nibbled away the other leaves and blossoms. I think the growing season is over for my yellow tomatoes.


The cherry tomatoes are doing well.  The cucumber is as usual doing very well.  My cucumbers grow so large that they resemble squash. The specimens sold in American supermarkets are puny by comparison.  The vines grow all over the garden and even up the sides of the chicken wire fence enclosure.  There the cucumbers grow out through the fence and begin to take on the proportions of an obscene phallic symbol.  


I would post photos, but we are striving to keep this blog family friendly.  Just trust me when I say that my cucumbers are well-hung.   Yes, double entendre intended.


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And now my big news: this week I will finally have my long-awaited hip replacement surgery.  The left hip will be done first, followed by the right hip eight weeks after.  All has gone well so far.  I’ve been cleared for surgery by my PCP, cardiologist, and Steven Seagal.  I’ve had another cardiac stress test and pre-admission testing in preparation for my procedure.  It has been a few weeks of one medical appointment after another.


My goal is to gain a new pair of hips which will hopefully alleviate my arthritis, allow me to regain my ability to do day-to-day activities, and meet my out-of-pocket maximum before my health insurance benefit year ends on November 30.


Yay for meeting my out-of-pocket!


Anyway, I anticipate that my 3-4 weeks of recovery time will be restful punctuated by intense physical therapy sessions and perhaps more time to cast satirical notions on the world via this blog.


I can hardly wait!



*The last two titles are rare and so hard to find that I would discourage my readers from spending any seconds of their time looking for them.


**With apologies to Superman and the lawyers for DC Comics.


(Thank you for reading.  And now for no other reason then it is a non-sequitur out of left field, we will end with this: The password is “swordfish”.)

6 Comments:

Blogger Mistress Maddie said...

I can't take much more of this lunacy. I'm moving to a remote island away from this looney tunes of times. You and Anne Marie can visit anytime.

Well wishes for your hip replacements. I have a uncle getting ready to do knee replacements. I'll say to you what I did him. Now you can do bad things and run like hell from Anne Marie and she won't catch you!

August 12, 2018 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger anne marie in philly said...

@maddie - BITCH! but I loves ya anyway!

August 12, 2018 at 2:17 PM  
Blogger Dave R said...

Good luck with the hip, Bud.

And I do think Putin's a bit confused, I'm sure he wanted Stephen Seagullicknikov - Jonathan Livingston's bastard cousin.

August 12, 2018 at 5:39 PM  
Blogger Deedles said...

Smooth sailing and happy healing with your surgery and recovery.
Steven Seagal, ugh! I loved Will Sasso's impression of him on Mad T.V.

August 12, 2018 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

When I saw your post last night I was initially a bit confused as to what part(s) of it was/were factual. Returning to it again this morn (4.55 a.m.) there's no such confusion and certainly none at all regarding your hip matters. My best wishes to you for same. I know it sounds a drastic procedure but I've known several who've gone through it and come out the other side right as rain with no feeling that it was anything like as painful as it sounds like it could be. I do most sincerely hope you have the similar "What was all that about?" feeling and get it over with quickly. My thoughts are with you (I'll not bother with ineffectual prayers!). Looking forward to reading in your next post that everything is as hunky-dory as.......well, Steven Segal's totally unmerited career boost (bad comparison, I know, but you get the sentiment, I hope). Very best wishes.

August 13, 2018 at 12:02 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Mistress for the well wishes Anne Marie is faster than you think. I best stay on her good side.

Thank you Dave R. Now there's an obscure reference from the past!

Thank you Deedles. I barely remember Mad TV, so I will take your word for it.

Thank you Raybeard for the wishes. I have the same feeling that things can only get better once I have this procedure.

August 13, 2018 at 6:35 PM  

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