Ann Apology

Recently, my wife informed me that I had made an error on one of my previous blog entries. We have since corrected the situation, but I felt I should be totally honest and offer an apology for this mistake. While I try to be as accurate as I can in my writings, every once in awhile something will slip through that is erroneous. It is only fair that I now take the time and this space to clear the air.

In a few of my entries I have taken cheap, tawdry verbal swipes at one of the more high-profile pundits and opinion-makers of our times. This person is highly respected in some areas of society and commands great attention when she appears on television. You may have guessed by now that I am talking about Ann Coulter.

So, I humbly apologize and beg your forgiveness, Ann Coulter, for the grievous wrong I have committed against you. My error is so obvious that I just don’t know how it got past me. Still, the facts remain that, on my previous entries I misspelled your name.

I got the last name right, but I did screw up your first name, even though it is only three letters long. It is so simple, but I overlooked the fact that you do not spell your name with four letters. Don’t fear; we have snipped off the offending “e” from your name, and I will do my best to make sure it does not happen again.

Those who know me best might believe that I was thinking of my wife and/or my mother at the time I wrote those entries. They are both named Anne, but with an “e”. Now, it’s no fair thinking that this was a Freudian slip (as opposed to say, a Freudian teddy) on my part. It would be best to just let this explanation suffice and allow my contriteness to stand on its own.

Let me take this opportunity to clarify that my apology does not apply to my other feelings about you, Ann. I still believe that you are a bony-assed witch who could stand to eat a sandwich or two and put some meat on that skeleton of yours; who spreads half-truths and irresponsible political rhetoric about liberals just to sell a few books; that although you have blonde hair to die for and killer gams, you do not contribute anything worthwhile to the public discourse on the world at large; and that, deep down, you harbor liberal tendencies. I hope my apology hasn’t caused any confusion about my feelings for you.

(You know, Ann, you should think about wearing a Freudian teddy the next time you appear on Hardball. I’m sure it would make Chris Matthews stand up and take notice!)