A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Quest for Whoopee (or Beetles Just Want to Have Fun)

Every once in awhile I will feel compelled (no, obligated) to direct my blog comments at a certain segment of the population. This is one such moment. So, if my blog entry does not pertain to you, or you are not the least bit curious about what I might say, then come back in a few days. Today, I speak directly to the Japanese beetle.

Gentlemen, I have seen literally thousands of you fly into our beetle trap in our side garden over the last few weeks. You are lured there by the smell of a possible mate, but once you get there you find only a funnel-shaped plastic bag with no female to be found. I hope you realize that your quest for whoopee is making all males look stupid. You beetles are a disgrace to the male of every species of animal that walks, crawls, swims, and flies on God’s good earth!

What are you thinking? Don’t you realize that this lure of free, easy sex will lead to your doom? You’ll find that, once you fall into the bag, there is no hope of carnal knowledge with a lady beetle. Instead, there will be only hundreds of your brethren, crawling over each other, crushing those beneath them, all asking out loud, “Where is she? Where is she? Where is she?”

Well, there is no “she” in this case. The mating scent has been artificially created for our pleasure and your grief. We get to save our beloved plants and flowers, while you get to die and decay in a plastic bag. This is not a very appealing way to die, is it?

You set a fine example for those of us who are lucky enough to be higher up in the food chain. Do you think that we humans would fall for such an old trick? Do you think that the male of my species would fall prey to the smell, the sight, and the sound of a mate? Do you think that your human counterparts are as easily fooled and led to their demise as you are, all because of sex?

Of course we’re fooled. It must happen hundreds...nay, thousands of times every day.

Still, this should give you something to think about before you fall into the trap. If there is any good to come out of your failure to resist temptation, it is the lesson it will teach young males of the other species. Young males everywhere! Listen up! Heed the lessons of the Japanese beetle! Sex equals death!

If only it wasn’t so much fun...


Post a Comment

<< Home