arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Advice in BOLD CAPS


One of the more outrageous recent events included the President’s phone call to Soviet Dictator for Life Vladimir Putin.  Herr Orange congratulated Putin on winning re-election to his leadership position for the fourth time.  On the surface, there would be nothing wrong with our leader calling another world leader to extend congratulations and best wishes for their accomplishment.  Normally there would be nothing wrong, but there has been nothing normal about our President since he took office.

This phone call was not made under normal circumstances.  Consider that our leader — the head of state of the leading democracy in the world — was calling to congratulate a despot who won re-election to his post in a rigged and decidedly un-democratic electoral process.

Then there was also the news item released after the phone call was the tidbit that the President’s National Security Adviser specifically instructed our leader not to congratulate Putin on his victory.  In fact, the instruction was printed in BOLD CAPS in a memo to the President: DON’T CONGRATULATE PUTIN.

Of course, the President being the President knows more how to do things than all of the best people around him.  The advice was ignored and Americans once again feel ashamed of their leader.

The incident got me thinking that, based on the President’s past, what other BOLD CAP warnings he has received and chosen to ignore over the years.  A short list could look something like this:

TREAT ALL WOMEN WITH RESPECT.

DON’T FIRE FBI DIRECTOR COMEY.

AMERICA NEVER STOPPED BEING GREAT.

DON’T FIRE FBI ASSISTANT DEPUTY MCCABE.

EAT YOUR VEGETABLES.

DON’T FIRE (INSERT NAME OF DISLOYAL DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE EMPLOYEE HERE).

LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYERS.

DON’T DISCRIMINATE AGAINST MINORITIES SEEKING TO RENT PROPERTY FROM YOU.

WARNING: LARK'S VOMIT*

Readers are encouraged to add their own thoughts to this list.

*Courtesy of Whizzo Chocolate Assortment which includes such delicacies as Crunchy Frog and Anthrax Ripple.


(Thank you for reading.  AND DO EVERYTHING WE WOULDN’T DO IN A CIVILIZED SOCIETY!)

Saturday, March 24, 2018

A Generation’s Defining Moment


Today, millions marched in the streets of America protesting our national and cultural addiction to guns.  The demonstrations were inspired by the latest mass shooting at a Parkland, FL high school.  In fact, the largest of these protests in Washington DC is actually being led by the survivors of the latest massacre.

Their message is simple: enact common sense legislation which will keep guns out of the hands of those who will commit acts of mass destruction.  Liberals have long been accused of wanting to repeal the Second Amendment.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I think it is fair to assume that liberals and progressives would rather very much like everyone to realize that our love affair with and dependency on guns has gone too far.

The fire and spirit in today's marchers remind me of the enthusiasm my generation had not too long ago.  Then, we vowed and promised ourselves to make things right for all people, not repeat the mistakes of the past generations, and not be complacent to settle for results that only allowed us to live our lives as we wanted without seeing any tangible progress for the society at large.  Today’s marchers are telling us that we broke our own promises to ourselves, repeated all of the actions of our well-meaning parents, and finally shrugged our shoulders that life as it is now is the way life is meant to be.

Not too long ago?  It pains me to think that my generation’s defining moment happened 30-40 years ago.  And we have little to show for it.  So much for my generation’s defining moment.

The well-meaning conservatives of our society are always ready with the offer of thoughts and prayers whenever another mass shooting occurs in America.  It is the battle cry of the cowardly and the weak.  Perhaps we should instead recognize that the cries of anguish from today’s marchers are the answers to the thoughts and prayers of our society.

I can only hope that their enthusiasm will not waver or diminish.  I can only hope that perhaps this time we will find the courage to affect change at the ballot box. I am hopeful that perhaps this time a change is gonna come. Finally.


(Thank you for reading.  And God Bless Sam Cooke.)

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

The Protestant Work Ethic on a Day Off


I have taken the day off due to the weather.  We are having the fourth nor’easter in the last three weeks.  The first was an absolute blizzard with snow accumulations over one foot.  Today appears it will be a repeat of #1, with the added disclaimer of additional accumulation over 16 inches.

This gives us an excuse to take paid time off (where available).  My office did not close, but Warrior Queen’s place of work has shut down for the day.  From my point of view, it is practical for me to just take the day off.  Sure, the roads may just be wet and our state highway department will plow and salt often to keep the streets passable.  It will be easy for me to drive down my hundred feet or so driveway in the morning, but 8-16 inches of frozen precipitation on the driveway at night?   No sir, I wouldn’t be able to clear that in my Ford Focus.

Today’s blizzard is a study in irony as it is the first full day of Spring, 2018.  We should be seeing our grass getting greener, flower beds sprouting, and birds chirping the forthcoming warmer months of the year.

With this in mind, I must speak directly to those who believe that climate change is a hoax.  In the old days, weather like this would happen and be done with us no later than the last week of February.  Now, it seems like the season of cold temperatures and frozen precipitation has moved forward a bit into Spring’s territory.  We are now having our worst winter weather in March, and (in some years) April.

Clearly the world’s climates are running amuck.

Please dear readers, indulge me just long enough to focus my thoughts now on the climate changer deniers. I particularly invite those deniers living in the northeast corner of the United States to right now GAZE OUT YOUR FREAKIN’ WINDOW AND WITNESS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH OF CLIMATE CHANGE.   IT IS SPRING!  YET DO YOU SEE ANY GREEN GRASS?  DO YOU SEE ANY FLOWERS BLOOMING?   DO YOU HEAR ANY SWEET BIRDIES CHIRPING?  NO, BECAUSE IT IS ALL WHITE, WHITE, WHITE, AND I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE COLOR OF OUR FREAKIN’ CARPETS. *

Okay, I feel better now.

Anyway, I am fending off boredom on my snow day off by completing a list of tasks worthy of a weekend.  It is a case of the Protestant work ethic kicked into overdrive. Warrior Queen, who is content to relax and view social media/knit all day, believes that I am too ambitious for my own good.  Horse feathers!  I have to accomplish some task (or tasks), else I will feel the day has been wasted.

On today’s to-do list:

Create a batch of vegetable beef soup for lunches at work 

This can be a multi-step process starting with braising the beef, boiling a pound or so of frozen soup vegetables in a pot of tomato juice, add a few spices, crumble up a bay leaf or two, add the beef, and let it simmer for a while.  I will let it sit overnight before packing it up in smaller one serving containers.  Several containers will be stored in the freezer for use in the coming weeks.

Fry potatoes for breakfasts 

One of my lingering wonderful memories of my childhood was waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of potatoes being fried in a skillet for breakfast.  I cannot do this every Sunday these days; Warrior Queen does not believe that sliced potatoes frying on a Sunday morning produces a wonderful aroma, and she is quite blunt in her description of my culinary efforts.   Today I thought I would fry up a batch with my extra time today, to be stored like the soup for later consumption.

Dishes 

This is no big deal.  I will unload the dishwasher of the clean items and load it back up with the various pots, pans and utensils I used to make soup and fry potatoes.

Clean CPAP mask and tubing 

This is a ritual I am trying to get in the habit of doing every two weeks.  It involves dissembling the CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure for apnea patients) mask and tubing from the pump device and soaking it in a solution of one part vinegar, four parts water to kill any nasty bacteria which may thrive in the humid environs of the mask and tube.

Laundry in basement 

Another no big deal, but time consuming.  I will sort and fold clean laundry in the baskets, organize it for easy extraction by myself and Warrior Queen during the work week.  This cuts down our time we must spend every morning to get dressed.  This will be done in our basement television room, enabling me to watch some programs while sorting laundry and petting our basement cat, Oreo.

Blog 

Self-explanatory.  I am struck by not one, but two ideas for blog entries today.

Nap 

Short moments of respite taken between the completion of the other tasks.

As I write this I find that I have completed all but the laundry task.  Ah, the Protestant work ethic is alive and well in my house today, no matter what Warrior Queen says.

*Paraphrasing Andreas Voutsinas in The Producers.

(Thank you for reading.  Spo!  Warrior Queen is making fun of our Protestant work ethic!  Make her stop!)