Jesus! There is a god! The 2012 Debates: The Mini-Series is over!
It is time
to reflect back on the highs and lows of the climatic performances by our
THE PHANTOM CONSERVATIVE
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney came out swinging, scoring a TKO and nearly
pummeling moderator Jim Lehrer in the process. Even Big Bird got roughed up. President Obama avoided eye contact with his rival for much of the
debate, to the point that he appeared to doze off at times. Even he admitted he had an off night.
it all Romney, the extreme right wing conservative from the primary debate era,
gave way to Romney, the middle-of-the-road Republican. Even Bill Clinton was amazed! No one could tell if this new phantom
conservative was the real deal, or just another case of political expedient
seemed to go unnoticed as everyone dwelled on Obama’s performance. Liberals
scratched their heads for days wondering what happened to their leader. After awhile, we learned to look forward to
the future debates, and pretend like this first debate never really
happened. Sometimes denial is a prudent
way to go.
ATTACK OF THE VEEPS
Roman Catholics, both up for vice president, took their turns at the debate
table. Joe Biden, the scrappy fighter
from Scranton, reacted with vigor at most things his rival Paul Ryan said. Biden rolled his eyes, gestured dramatically
with a flourish, laughed, scoffed, and all but horked up a hairball on
Ryan. Okay, so Biden might have come off
as a borderline psychotic, but hey, this was authentic Joe!
admitted his faith was strong, but drew the line at imposing his beliefs on
others. Ryan, on the other hand, all
but confirmed the fears that people had about John F. Kennedy. On social issues, Ryan appeared to admit that
he would take orders from the Vatican. I
realize the fears are groundless, but it still matters to many people.
the Christian evangelicals reluctance to support Romney due to his Mormon
faith. Witness also the conservative
right who can’t make up their minds to denounce Barack Obama as a Muslim
(because of his middle name) or a radical Christian (because he attended
services in Chicago presided over by Rev. Jeremiah Wright). Faith can be a moral guide, but it can also
THREE: OBAMA STRIKES BACK
President showed up this time, reaffirming that he is more at ease at a town
hall debate format. His eye contact and
body language were greatly improved over the first debate (which we now
officially declare never happened at all). This gave Romney more than enough
room to make a few gaffes. Both
candidates talked over the other, and at times the exchanges got a little
memorable moment happened with Romney’s criticism of Obama’s timing of the
phrase “act of terror” while talking about the embassy attack in Benghazi. This prompted a real time fact check from
moderator Candy Crowley, who corrected Romney’s assertion that Obama did use the
words one day after the attack, although Obama’s phrasing made it sound like he
was not specifically referring to THIS attack as an act of terror.
groused that Crowley overstepped her bounds; one pundit (from Fox News, natch)
proclaimed that moderators should be nothing more than pieces of furniture. My, talk about extreme views! I would think that moderators should be more
engaged than say, an empty chair (are you taking notes, Mr. Eastwood?). Sometimes moderators need to keep the
proceedings moving, but we should allow them the right to step in and tell the
combatants to go to their neutral corners when the debate is on the verge of
devolving into fisticuffs.
So, kudos to
Crowley for keeping the second presidential debate bloodless.
FOUR: HORSES, BAYONETS, AND SUBMARINES, OH MY!
fourth debate transpired in the land of sunshine, orange groves, Cuban refugees
and their descendents, and of course, very, very old people. Once again, Obama seemed to be on top of his
game, while Romney whined that Obama’s criticisms of Romney’s position (some of
them in a perpetual state of flux) were just personal attacks.
spending was a delicate subject for the combatants. Romney vowed to increase spending for
defense, explaining at one point that our Navy has fewer ships now than it did
in 1916. Obama countered with a
delightfully condescending explanation that America also has less bayonets and
horses now than we did in 1916. He also
explained that we have ships that go underwater called nuclear submarines to
further clarify that America’s defense needs have changed in the last 100
years. Obama could have really emphasized his point if he had raised his fingers as quotation marks around the
words “nuclear submarine”, much like Mike Myers used the gesture when his
character Dr. Evil used the word “laser” in the Austin Powers films.
Ah, but that
might have been bad form, or even un-presidential. It would definitely have been over the top,
as in Joe Biden-over-the-top. The vice
president definitely would have gotten away with the “quotation mark finger
this incident, the debate on how each would manage America’s foreign policy was
rather devoid of controversy. Surprisingly, Romney agreed with Obama most of the time on the
president’s foreign policy decisions. If
this is really true, and not another example of Romney flip-flopping around, then
why should we, the American people, hire someone else to lead the country? Why shouldn’t we just rehire Obama?
believe it is time to rejoice that the debates are over! Soon the American voters will have their
say. Regardless of the outcome - whether
we wake up on November 7 and know who will lead us for the next four years, or
if there will be another protracted legal battle up to the Supreme Court in our
future - rest assured the republic will survive. Of course, our chances of survival would be better if everyone had a
for reading. Kudos to everyone for surviving this campaign!)