Sunday Sometime, Vol. 3, #25: The Always Something There to Remind Me" Issue
As I cope day-to-day with my new solitary existence I look around and see reminders of Anne Marie everywhere. An example, I look up from my computer onto the back yard and I can see the park bench Sydney (our first cat) and I gave her one Mother's Day about 20 years ago. I recall that she was thrilled with the gift which she hinted strongly that she wanted. I recall her using it once, but I hope I am wrong and she did sit on it more often than I was around to bear witness.
A little closer to the house is a hexagonal picnic table and benches set. We used them often over the years and I have many nice memories of those picnics. Now that she is gone, I fear I will not use the table and benches ever again. The regret that we didn't use the set more often sets in soon afterward.
Inside the house the things we bought for each other and used are everywhere. The shared vinyl record collection (more mine than hers truth be told); our collections of books and DVDS; the shared collection of souvenir shot glasses....and all else that made our relationship feel so right for so long.
At the moment these possessions are also meaningless. I doubt that this is a case where I should sing two verses of "There's Always Something There to Remind Me" and call a professional in the morning.
The thought hits me: this is all part of letting go. I will surely sell the various collections at some point, but for now the process of sale and satisfaction that all possessions are finding new homes hasn't registered yet. I am learning that all of this takes time and it takes time to learn that it takes time.
Does that make sense?
Then there is the case of the flickering light bulb. This is a lamp which I have had and used since I was an adolescent at my parent's house. It hung on the wall of our den where I usually sat to watch television. I acquired it once the old homestead was sold. It is now on the wall near my home computer where I work, correspond and incidentally, write my blog posts.
The lamp has one of those new-fangled twisty bulbs which may nearing the end of its life. This may explain why recently it will suddenly start flickering when I have it on to see what I am writing more clearly.
The bulb did not ever do this...until Anne Marie passed away.
Okay, forget "There's Always Something There to Remind Me." Time to queue "The Twilight Zone Theme".
(Thank you for reading. Submitted for your approval....)