Update: Prep Day
I’ll keep this short, but suffice to say I survived another colonoscopy. This was my third since I turned 45. The standard thinking is to have one at age 50 and, if they don’t find anything, they don’t want to see your ass (pun intended) for 10 years. However, anyone like me, who shows signs of a possible pre-cancerous condition, gets the honor of having the procedure preformed every three years.
The prep day as expected was a major pain in the ass (again pun intended). It was a long day of hunger, and lots of drinking, punctuated by short explosions of bowel material. (I’m trying to keep this entry as tasteful as possible. Besides, I couldn’t find a suitable term in Ur Spo’s Book of Big Words.)
The day of the event went as well as could be expected. Lots of questions from the registration, the first nurse, the surgeon, the second nurse, the anesthetist, and still another person who actually administered the anesthesia. Warrior Queen, meanwhile, amused herself with her knitting, snarky comments about the television in the waiting room, snarky comments about the healthcare business, all the while trying to relax after a restless night because yours truly had several bowel explosions in the middle of the night.
I was done in about 20 minutes and the surgeon did not find any polyps this time. Yay! He did remind me that I have a diverticulous condition and mentioned something about those pesky internal hemorrhoids. My hemorrhoids and I go way back…1983 if memory serves me correctly. I have learned to live with them and treat them nicely so that they don’t make my rear end miserable.
We did not take any photos of our travails. No selfies with any of the staff, although the surgeon himself did snap a few photos as he traveled through my insides. We won’t be publishing those either. Warrior Queen has determined that publication of those pictures would probably violate every form of human decency known to mankind.
I think I’ll try to sell them to Fox News.
(Thank you for reading. Pardon me…I feel another explosion coming on!)